I read it, very well done. The story is interesting and actually cant wait for more - but keep it not that many pages becuz my mind does get bored of reading. soo ya that was long enough to keep me going
UPDATE| 09.22.11
I'm going to reupload the first two issues and add the following ones without grammar mistakes.
This is all thanks to Gasjockey!
It's not my fault that the Issues are not in correct order!
I liked the first one, much alike the taste I took from Remember short stories. Let's take a look at the continuations.
Wow, these were a great read, I really enjoyed your take on the "revenge" ending!
Some critique I'd give is that in document 1 the switch from Helmutt's life to Daniels is kind of too meshed together. I think maybe you should at least indent the moment when it switches to Daniel's events so that the reader knows right away that we've moved on from the Grandpa. Second in document 3 I believe a simple sentence of explaining that half an hour had passed would be better than just putting "half an hour later" as it kind of breaks the somewhat serious mood you've set up in the story.
Other than that, as I said in the beginning, I had fun reading these. I hope to see more in the future, keep up the great work!
(10-01-2011, 08:25 AM)LuckyBlackCatXIII Wrote: [ -> ]Wow, these were a great read, I really enjoyed your take on the "revenge" ending!
Some critique I'd give is that in document 1 the switch from Helmutt's life to Daniels is kind of too meshed together. I think maybe you should at least indent the moment when it switches to Daniel's events so that the reader knows right away that we've moved on from the Grandpa. Second in document 3 I believe a simple sentence of explaining that half an hour had passed would be better than just putting "half an hour later" as it kind of breaks the somewhat serious mood you've set up in the story.
Other than that, as I said in the beginning, I had fun reading these. I hope to see more in the future, keep up the great work!
THANK YOU FOR THE CRITICISM
Any is highly appreciated.
Chapter 4 is coming soon
<whisper>And it will be longer than previous ones</whisper>
ISSUE 4's HERE SORRY FOR THE DELAY!
Great continuation! I am super exited for chapter 5!
Whoo hoo! Another addition, and 5 pages long at that!
While reading I do have one question, and I don't mean this in any catty or mean way I swear: do you have anyone proof reading your stories before you post them here on the forums? If you don't already you should think about getting a close friend to give their insight on the stories, since people can add ideas and suggestions you alone might not have thought of (plus the bright side of having a friend do it makes criticism easier to take than only having strangers do so). I only ask because though I find these stories good I feel it could be even better! Then again if you're just writing these for fun and not trying to be super serious I really wouldn't pay attention to what I've just said, ha ha! As long as you're enjoying what you're doing, right?
Ugh, I type too much on this thread I swear. Either way I'm excited to see the next part, good luck!
PS: I'm going to admit I laughed a little when one of the characters introduced was named 'Fabio'. I'm so mature
(10-07-2011, 03:54 AM)LuckyBlackCatXIII Wrote: [ -> ]Whoo hoo! Another addition, and 5 pages long at that!
While reading I do have one question, and I don't mean this in any catty or mean way I swear: do you have anyone proof reading your stories before you post them here on the forums? If you don't already you should think about getting a close friend to give their insight on the stories, since people can add ideas and suggestions you alone might not have thought of (plus the bright side of having a friend do it makes criticism easier to take than only having strangers do so). I only ask because though I find these stories good I feel it could be even better! Then again if you're just writing these for fun and not trying to be super serious I really wouldn't pay attention to what I've just said, ha ha! As long as you're enjoying what you're doing, right?
Ugh, I type too much on this thread I swear. Either way I'm excited to see the next part, good luck!
PS: I'm going to admit I laughed a little when one of the characters introduced was named 'Fabio'. I'm so mature
I like you
Yes I have someone proofreading my stories, just look at Post #3.
I enjoy doing this and take it quite seriously so if any of you has suggestions I'll be glad to know.
GLAD YOU LIKED IT!
THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!