(06-10-2012, 08:41 PM)Robosprog Wrote: Time to give my view on this.

For starters, that story reminds me of chupacabra for some reason.
Anyway, the story, from what you've said, seems very scrappy. No offense but you see something in car, car crashes, friend gone. Are you going to include evidence of a struggle, signs of him being unconscious? Because really, people don't just vanish.
People just vanishing cannot really be used this early into a story anyway, because it means people ask "why" and sometimes the writers haven't thought why. And then, all your supplies are missing, up until this point it seemed alright, nothing special or bad.
But, all your supplies are missing BUT your flashlight? Why would they leave this? How did they carry all your supplies? (We don't know how much was in the car.)
And, if it's a monster/slender man/chupacabra/paranormal activity thing, then why didn't they attack you when hiking? Why decide to attack someone in a car and then leave someone?
You haven't established this, and gave a very poor background to this. No offence, but from what we can see it looks really scrappy and made as an afterthought.

Again, this is just from what I can see and first impressions.

(06-11-2012, 05:10 PM)Robosprog Wrote:

(06-11-2012, 04:35 PM)Ermu Wrote:

(06-10-2012, 08:41 PM)Robosprog Wrote: Time to give my view on this.

For starters, that story reminds me of chupacabra for some reason.
Anyway, the story, from what you've said, seems very scrappy. No offense but you see something in car, car crashes, friend gone. Are you going to include evidence of a struggle, signs of him being unconscious? Because really, people don't just vanish.
People just vanishing cannot really be used this early into a story anyway, because it means people ask "why" and sometimes the writers haven't thought why. And then, all your supplies are missing, up until this point it seemed alright, nothing special or bad.
But, all your supplies are missing BUT your flashlight? Why would they leave this? How did they carry all your supplies? (We don't know how much was in the car.)
And, if it's a monster/slender man/chupacabra/paranormal activity thing, then why didn't they attack you when hiking? Why decide to attack someone in a car and then leave someone?
You haven't established this, and gave a very poor background to this. No offence, but from what we can see it looks really scrappy and made as an afterthought.

Again, this is just from what I can see and first impressions.

Alright, for this i have to reveal more things about the plot.

Spoiler below!

His friend has gone to the forest to look for some help, not vanished. Soon as you start walking this small path in the forest, you will first hear a monster, and then humans death scream.
The friend took the backpack, but you had another flashlight in the side-pocket of the car, which you managed to save before the car catched fire badly. You will find the backpack and eventually a castle, where the path leads to. And where you go looking for help.
The monster didn't attack them in the hiking trip, because they weren't even near to the forest on the hiking trip. As the plot said "Approximately at the half-way".
Also the car crashed because the flash freaked them out, and in panic they drove into a rock.

PS. I haven't played chupacabra, so i have no idea what it's like.
PS2. After i've fully done the beginning of this, and if it seems too crappy etc., or if it doesn't fit the rest of the story, i might change it myself as well. Like i said, this is in early development, i haven't even finished the first map yet, due to some difficulties. Ie. making the Full Conversion took a bit time, since i was doing it for the first time. I started really working on this few days ago. This is not anything permanent yet.

E: Just to say, as you play it, you'll know and understand more, for now, i cannot reveal much. My intentions are to keep the plot somehow logical and not make it "random shit".

Makes much more sense now, and very little of my criticism holds true. Good to know that you have a fairly good plot in mind.
Oh, and chupacabra is this: http://skepdic.com/chupa.html

(06-11-2012, 06:10 PM)CrazyArts Wrote: Been working on this for a while pretty inactively, but currently a lot more active, since my school ended. All i can say that this won't be out in a while, since this is just in the beginning. I'm currently working on this alone.

__________________________________________________________________________________________


I had some time over so i created this for you my friend,








I hope you like it, i had some time over so i didn't care.


I was thinking you can use this text instead of your current purple.


This took me a few of 20-25 minutes but i don't mind.


You can download the .PSD here incase you want to edit how it looks, and i recommend downloading this cause you will be able to edit it like this and remove the black background layer without going through troubble and making it look bad by removing it from the screenshot.


http://www.mediafire.com/?a3ukplvyd3drhm1



I would appreciate reputation and credits for this if you end up using it, i don't need big credits, maybe only in this thread and in ending credits just so that i get atleast something for making it , anyways this looks great so far and from the description of the story i can really think that it's going to turn out good.

(06-11-2012, 08:30 PM)Ermu Wrote:

(06-11-2012, 06:10 PM)CrazyArts Wrote:

Cool, definetly will at least try this on it! Of course i will credit you if i use it!
Thanks!

(07-06-2012, 08:58 PM)Ermu Wrote: NEWS UPDATE
Alright, i'm back from my vacation, but i have my job startting at monday, so i won't be having much time to do this, but i hope i find some at least at weekends.