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Tell a joke or few! - Printable Version

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RE: Tell a joke or few! - PutraenusAlivius - 05-23-2014

Spoiler below!

What does Robin say when Batman asks what is he gonna do?
Robbin' a house



RE: Tell a joke or few! - Potato - 05-23-2014

What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?
Spoiler below!
We're both lawyers.

Spoiler below!
When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.

Spoiler below!
I take steps to avoid elevators.


RE: Tell a joke or few! - RedKnight - 05-23-2014

What does the fox say?

''Fuck off with the video!''

(I am not very good at jokes btw)

RE: Tell a joke or few! - VaeVictis - 05-24-2014

(p+l)(a+n) = pa+pn+la+ln

Spoiler below!
I just foiled your plan


RE: Tell a joke or few! - Robby - 05-28-2014

What's the difference between an Australian wedding and an Australian funeral?
Spoiler below!

There's one less drunk at the funeral.



RE: Tell a joke or few! - Froge - 07-17-2014

The bar tender asks "What can I get for you?"

A tachyon walks into a bar.

RE: Tell a joke or few! - Acies - 07-18-2014

What did the pirate say on his birthday?

AYE MATEY.
Spoiler below!

It was his 80th birthday.



RE: Tell a joke or few! - Red - 07-18-2014

Spoiler below!
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive." But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happened to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"


RE: Tell a joke or few! - Paddy™ - 07-19-2014

Taste and decency have clearly vacated the building. With that in mind:

What do you call an Irishman with a sheep under each arm?
Spoiler below!
A pimp.

How do you circumcise a priest?
Spoiler below!
Punch the altar boy in the back of the head.

How do you stop a baby crawling around in circles?
Spoiler below!
Nail its other hand to the floor.

What did the blind, deaf, crippled child get for Christmas?
Spoiler below!
Cancer.

What's the difference between an aborted foetus and a brick?
Spoiler below!
You can't eat a brick.

What's the worst part of child rape?
Spoiler below!
Trying to get the bloodstains out of your clown costume.

What do you do when an epileptic is having a fit in the bathtub?
Spoiler below!
Throw in your laundry.


RE: Tell a joke or few! - Froge - 07-19-2014

The last one was slightly too subtle.