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Tell a joke or few! - Printable Version

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Tell a joke or few! - Romulator - 05-21-2014

Amuse the community with your comedy. Puns, stories, whatever you want.

In the words of Statyk:
(05-23-2014, 03:04 AM)Statyk Wrote: For the record, I personally don't care how dark or offensive you may get. Again, it's a joke. I think if someone doesn't like it, they can leave the thread... Lay 'em on us.
So go nuts!

I do like my puns, so I spoilered them Tongue
Spoiler below!

A book just fell on my head... I only have my shelf to blame.

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? Because he was outstanding in his field.

I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

A broken pencil is pointless.

Need an ark? I Noah guy!

When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower gets turned on.

He threw Sodium Chloride at me! That's a salt!

I'd tell a good science joke, but all the good ones Argon.

I didn't like my beard, but then it grew on me.



RE: Tell a joke or few! - i3670 - 05-21-2014

What's more sad than finding a worm in your apple?

Spoiler below!
The Holocaust

OT: Last of Us much?

RE: Tell a joke or few! - Traggey - 05-21-2014

Your face.

RE: Tell a joke or few! - Wooderson - 05-21-2014

Neither.

RE: Tell a joke or few! - Red - 05-21-2014

Laughed, and hard.

Spoiler below!
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar.
A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.
The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.
He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked.
Man, she is fine!" The biker looked at him and didn't say a word.
His buddies were confused,because he was a bad ass, and would fight at he drop of a hat.
The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker still said nothing.
His buddies were starting to get mad.
The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!" The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it, Grandpa, you're drunk! Go home!"


RE: Tell a joke or few! - PutraenusAlivius - 05-21-2014

Spoiler below!

Violin:
What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.

Viola:
How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?
The bow is moving.

Cello:
How do you make a cello sound beautiful?
Sell it and buy a violin.

Piano:
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.





RE: Tell a joke or few! - Nice - 05-21-2014

(05-21-2014, 09:26 AM)Romulator Wrote: Just keep the racial stuff to a minimum Smile

awww daym

RE: Tell a joke or few! - Streetboat - 05-21-2014

fuck that, dude, some of the funniest jokes are racially insensitive; that's why theyre funny, because theyre taboo.

but i'll indulge you anyways. why did the man name his dog with no legs 'cigarette'?

Spoiler below!
because he had to take him out for a drag every night.


RE: Tell a joke or few! - Nikson. - 05-21-2014

This is a bad joke, but still.

Dad:"I know a gut with no nose"
Son:"How does he smell?"
Dad:"Bad"
Sorry for double post.

A white horse goes in the Black Sea how does he get out?



Spoiler below!
Wet


RE: Tell a joke or few! - Statyk - 05-21-2014

(05-21-2014, 04:46 PM)Streetboat Wrote: fuck that, dude, some of the funniest jokes are racially insensitive; that's why theyre funny, because theyre taboo.

but i'll indulge you anyways. why did the man name his dog with no legs 'cigarette'?

Spoiler below!
because he had to take him out for a drag every night.

I nearly lost it in class. 10/10