The Ancient Monster I - Girlfriend

[Linkovsky]

Hey guys, I just started in this cusom story thing and i made a custom story , kinda weird but i think it is good.
I know that it needs more professionalism but i'm going to continue with this custom story so here it is.

http://www.mediafire.com/?inz45xdbdaei0z8

Hope you guys like it,

Give me feedback and say which thing need to be improved.

Thanks , Linkovsky

[Scooch]

Spoiler below!

Fix up the grammar. The scares were kinda predictable (except the second to last room, with the red glow, that one was fun). You should elaborate on the puzzles. I found each key in seconds. The rooms all seemed empty except the one you start in. I thought the monster in the closet, just as you spawn, was kind of unnecessary. The story would have been better without it.

[HumiliatioN]

Another really rushed and cheap map with cheap scares. Lame and poor. Make better.

[Scooch]

Another really rushed and cheap map with cheap scares. Lame and poor. Make better.

He said "Give me feedback and say which thing need to be improved."

Tell him what needs to be improved. Give some constructive criticism.

[HumiliatioN]

Another really rushed and cheap map with cheap scares. Lame and poor. Make better.

He said "Give me feedback and say which thing need to be improved."

Tell him what needs to be improved. Give some constructive criticism.

Nope. I have been gived too many improves and constructive criticisms these days. He must know himself what he can improve.

[steeler989]

Another really rushed and cheap map with cheap scares. Lame and poor. Make better.

He said "Give me feedback and say which thing need to be improved."

Tell him what needs to be improved. Give some constructive criticism.

Nope. I have been gived too many improves and constructive criticisms these days. He must know himself what he can improve.

WEll be a better person and tell him specifically. If you have nothing good to say, don't say it at all.

[Obliviator27]

Hey guys, I just started in this cusom story thing and i made a custom story , kinda weird but i think it is good.
I know that it needs more professionalism but i'm going to continue with this custom story so here it is.

http://www.mediafire.com/?inz45xdbdaei0z8

Hope you guys like it,

Give me feedback and say which thing need to be improved.

Thanks , Linkovsky

Oho, a request for feedback and what needs to be improved. Sounds like my cup o' tea.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spoiler below!

- Upon reading the original post, I saw "First custom" This generally means I'll have many point to point out.
- I take one look at your files and see a 200 kb map. Just one. This indicates to me that this is going to be almost painfully short. However, there are no map_cache files. This is a good sign.
- The description has quite a few grammatical errors, and the story premise seems weak.
- ....Really? One) You dropped me into the map. Meaning your PlayerStartPos was too high. Two) A grunt right off the bat, with no introductory sequence.
- Evidently, english is not your primary language.
- No ambient music. There's no sense of atmosphere.
- That fricken statue....
- Can't complain about lack of supplies, but it seems as though I won't be needing much of these.
- I predict a number of key-door puzzles ahead. Just sayin'.
- You should name all of your keys.
- Your rooms so far are very bland. Add more details to them.
- I now have one key and four locked doors. Having to test them all. Yay.
- Turns out I had to open the desk. Hm. Only to find yet another key.
- ....Barrels = monster attack? I sense yet another Pewdie thing.
- This room here, with the key in the middle. It's INCREDIBLY obvious what you're about to do.
- Told ya. Statues with that Iron Maiden sound. You should really be a bit more original.
- There is no reason at all for me to have these corpses in my house.
- Did you REALLY just throw a body at me? Please, please, be more original.
- Somehow Sara turned into a man. Interesting.
- Have the key. Another "Poof man out of nowhere with loud noise" scare. Which, by the way, is not scary.
- I predict that the ending will involve me running headfirst into an enemy, or running away from one when I return into the hallway.
- Not even a climax? Disappointing.

--------------------------------------------------------------
If you're going to make a chapter II, I urge you to make it significantly better than this. I understand that it's your first shot at the custom story thing, but it really could be better. This is just your run of the mill Key-door, jumpscare map.

[Linkovsky]

Hey guys, I just started in this cusom story thing and i made a custom story , kinda weird but i think it is good.
I know that it needs more professionalism but i'm going to continue with this custom story so here it is.

http://www.mediafire.com/?inz45xdbdaei0z8

Hope you guys like it,

Give me feedback and say which thing need to be improved.

Thanks , Linkovsky

Oho, a request for feedback and what needs to be improved. Sounds like my cup o' tea.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spoiler below!

- Upon reading the original post, I saw "First custom" This generally means I'll have many point to point out.
- I take one look at your files and see a 200 kb map. Just one. This indicates to me that this is going to be almost painfully short. However, there are no map_cache files. This is a good sign.
- The description has quite a few grammatical errors, and the story premise seems weak.
- ....Really? One) You dropped me into the map. Meaning your PlayerStartPos was too high. Two) A grunt right off the bat, with no introductory sequence.
- Evidently, english is not your primary language.
- No ambient music. There's no sense of atmosphere.
- That fricken statue....
- Can't complain about lack of supplies, but it seems as though I won't be needing much of these.
- I predict a number of key-door puzzles ahead. Just sayin'.
- You should name all of your keys.
- Your rooms so far are very bland. Add more details to them.
- I now have one key and four locked doors. Having to test them all. Yay.
- Turns out I had to open the desk. Hm. Only to find yet another key.
- ....Barrels = monster attack? I sense yet another Pewdie thing.
- This room here, with the key in the middle. It's INCREDIBLY obvious what you're about to do.
- Told ya. Statues with that Iron Maiden sound. You should really be a bit more original.
- There is no reason at all for me to have these corpses in my house.
- Did you REALLY just throw a body at me? Please, please, be more original.
- Somehow Sara turned into a man. Interesting.
- Have the key. Another "Poof man out of nowhere with loud noise" scare. Which, by the way, is not scary.
- I predict that the ending will involve me running headfirst into an enemy, or running away from one when I return into the hallway.
- Not even a climax? Disappointing.

--------------------------------------------------------------
If you're going to make a chapter II, I urge you to make it significantly better than this. I understand that it's your first shot at the custom story thing, but it really could be better. This is just your run of the mill Key-door, jumpscare map.

Yes this is my first map. I did it for my friends to pass some time. But i really want to continue with this project. I'll try to do my best to improve, and see you till next one ^^.

Thanks for the feedback.