Pasta

[failedALIAS]

Best game to make a creepypasta of: Dora the explorer. Any one of them

One day, my little sister showed me a game. The characters looked like a cartoon made for children. "Dora!" she giggled, telling me to play it.

I decided to try it out, after she insisted. I thought it couldn't be too bad, since it is made for little kids. But little did I know at the time that this was a horrible, horrible misconception. So I started it up, and there was the menu. A map, a monkey, and a young Spanish girl stood in the foreground of a backdrop with green hills and mountains. There was something about the way they looked at me, something I didn't notice until really examining their faces. Something about their gaze just freaked me out, they were staring at me, but it was no ordinary staring. They seemed to be looking right at me, and through me, and straight into my soul. I couldn't hold gaze with them for more than a few seconds before my brain and vision went fuzzy and I had to look away. On top of this, after short delays they spoke. At first it just seemed normal, they said things like "Hello!", and "Press play to begin your journey!" But after hearing these voices many times, I noticed something different, some other audio suppressed into the background, unable to be heard unless you really focus your mind. There it was, yes, it sounded as if in the background sound when they are speaking, I heard "Death.. death.. death.." being spoken by their voices, but monotone. There also seemed to be something glitched in the script, as there was also lines of dialogue seemingly jumbled together, or being played backwards playing at the same time. It must be my imagination...

I shook my head back and forth and blinked my eyes a few times, these must be hallucinations. And sure enough, everything seemed natural again. It was definitely just my imagination. Or was it...? No. Enough superstition. I told my sister I would play this game, and I will stick to that promise. I quickly pressed play, and a new game began...

You gave away too much right at the beginning, as if patience was furthest from your mind. And shit like "Little did I know" have been done to fuck, so cut it out. Yes I am seriously critiquing this.

Also, many other elements make zero sense: your sister gets a brand new game, so the first thing she does it have her older brother play it? That doesn't sound like a realistic child. I know we get weird feelings from certain things, but usually they're ridiculous enough to shake off. Say "Although their gaze unsettled me, I passed it off as sheer reluctance on my part, and pressed start." This is much more expansive to the story in a respectful manner to the reader; if the person following your story knows it's a creepy tale, they're going to be attentive about every "odd shiver" that passes down your spine. I find that readers prefer when they are right with what you were feeling, specifically when you first experienced the events.

---

I added "little did I know" on purpose, because it seemed to be used in all the video game pastas I've read. I was making a parody pasta >_>

Parodies are too cliche, and I can bet you I'll find nothing even remotely funny in a story like that, especially if you even consider "AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT!!", I've seen that in every bad story to date.

[Damascus Rose]

Ok I honestly don't really know what you're talking about. I never said it's 'brand new' or whatever, "my little sister showed me a game" is all that was said. Also I don't understand how "Although their gaze unsettled me, I passed it off as sheer reluctance on my part, and pressed start." fits the story.

[failedALIAS]

Ok I honestly don't really know what you're talking about. I never said it's 'brand new' or whatever, "my little sister showed me a game" is all that was said. Also I don't understand how "Although their gaze unsettled me, I passed it off as sheer reluctance on my part, and pressed start." fits the story.

The characters you instead basically broke the fourth wall with before the story even fucking began!!!
"Death. . . Death. . . Death" Cause that's subtle!

[failedALIAS]

Ok I honestly don't really know what you're talking about. I never said it's 'brand new' or whatever, "my little sister showed me a game" is all that was said. Also I don't understand how "Although their gaze unsettled me, I passed it off as sheer reluctance on my part, and pressed start." fits the story.

The characters you instead basically broke the fourth wall with before the story even fucking began!!!
"Death. . . Death. . . Death" Cause that's subtle!

Dear users of the internet.
I don't mean to sound like a whore, but please, use me whenever you want.
Sincerely, Grammar.

I don't want to talk to Grammar. What you did with Vocabulary destroyed Latin's will to live, which resulted in a suicide, Whore!

[Damascus Rose]

Ok I honestly don't really know what you're talking about. I never said it's 'brand new' or whatever, "my little sister showed me a game" is all that was said. Also I don't understand how "Although their gaze unsettled me, I passed it off as sheer reluctance on my part, and pressed start." fits the story.

The characters you instead basically broke the fourth wall with before the story even fucking began!!!
"Death. . . Death. . . Death" Cause that's subtle!

Except it was a 'hallucination' ever thought of that?

[failedALIAS]

Ok I honestly don't really know what you're talking about. I never said it's 'brand new' or whatever, "my little sister showed me a game" is all that was said. Also I don't understand how "Although their gaze unsettled me, I passed it off as sheer reluctance on my part, and pressed start." fits the story.

The characters you instead basically broke the fourth wall with before the story even fucking began!!!
"Death. . . Death. . . Death" Cause that's subtle!

Except it was a 'hallucination' ever thought of that?

I actually did, but then I dismissed the idea cause I would be baffled at the notion that someone would write it in space of three paragraphs, expecting people to understand what the fuck is going on in the writer's head.

[Damascus Rose]

If you are going to critique something at least make sure what you're saying makes a shred of sense. I honestly have no clue what you're trying to say.

[Solitary Walker]

If you are going to critique something at least make sure what you're saying makes a shred of sense. I honestly have no clue what you're trying to say.

[lolmaster]

If you are going to critique something at least make sure what you're saying makes a shred of sense. I honestly have no clue what you're trying to say.

Why... what does this have to do with anything?

[Kman]

I don't know, but he's used it twice now and it hasn't seem to have any context to the rest of the thread both times now.