Fan-made Amnesia Sequel

[Bridge]

I hate to see a good story bogged down by errors so here you go:

1:

Page 1 Line 4 "which gave a rather unpleasant odour" - Something cannot give an odor, however something can give off an odor.
Page 1 Line 8 Word 2 "who'd" - Doesn't exist in writing; who had.
Page 1 Line 8 Word 3 "went" - Went is only used for past tense. For conditional you can only say gone.
Page
1 Line 9 Word 7 "pleaded' - You make it sound like he had to beg for
food. 'Pleaded' is a bit desperate; better to use 'asked for' or
'requested'.
Page 1 Line 13 "As the owner of the local approached" - Missing a word there, I'd guess 'inn'?
Page 1 Line 21-22 "falling evening" - What exactly is a 'falling evening'?
Page 1 Line 22-23 "[...] the horrid experiences of that strange man still
whispering in the wind." - Experiences can't whisper.
Page 2 Line 3 Word 5 "diarying" - It isn't a word.
Page 2 Line 4 Word 5 "happinesses" - Doesn't exist.
Page 2 Line 6 Word 1 "raining" - Simply 'rain' is better here.
Page 2 Line 10 Word 1 "Allright" - All right.
Page 2 Line 20 "[...] froze at his seat [...]" - Froze in his seat.
Page 2 Line 23 "[...] sounded offensive despite being suppressed by the thick
leather." - Two unrelated ideas: Offensiveness and sonic volume. Better would be to say sounded 'oppressive' or 'loudly'.


2:

Page 1 Line 6 Word 2 "Pleaseee..." - Only one 'e' is necessary; the other two don't add any emphasis, it just looks stupid.
Page 1 Lines 17-18 "[...] strange noise of something metal being dragged behind sounds." - doesn't make any sense. It sounds like something metal is being dragged behind sounds, which is physically impossible.
Page 1 Line 20 "The door shakes." - Not a good idea to mix past and present tenses, as you already said Daniel was standing.
Page 2 Line 5 Word 5 "[...] Brute." - Apart from not being a fan of the terms 'grunt' and 'brute' (I prefer the term the game uses 'gatherers'), it is incorrect to use a capital B because it's not a proper noun. They are of a type (his name isn't Brute Johnson) therefore lowercase 'brute' is more correct.
Page 2 Line 5 "Daniel raises [...]" - As I said, pick one tense and stick with it. From now on I won't quote any more tense mix-ups, just keep it in mind.
Page 2 Line 6 "pointless act of self-defense" - I prefer the terms 'futile' or 'vain' in these cases but that's just me.
Page 2 Line 8 Word 4 "ships" - It's possessive (the cabin of the ship) therefore you need a possessive apostrophe: ship's.
Page 2 Line 13 "Still having nightmares, I see?" - It's not a question, it's an observation so you can't use a question mark. Either write 'Still having nightmares?' or 'Still having nightmares, I see.'
Page 2 Lines 16-17 "[...] Agrippa reassured quietly." - The verb 'reassure' requires an object. You cannot "reassure", you can only "reassure" something or someone.
Factual error: It would have been impossible at the time to get from Prussia to Egypt in two weeks. If he sailed from a port situated on the Baltic Sea it would have taken him I'd guess a month at least. Going by carriage all the way to Italy or the Balkan Peninsula and then by ship to Egypt would also have taken more than two weeks easily.

I'll do the other chapters later if you want to. Quite intriguing so far by the way, though I'm not a fan of the writing style.