Mountain hiking

[failedALIAS]

Okay, there seems to be a lot of noobs making stupid dumbshit comments, so I'll have to clear this idiocy up.
1.) Make sure to cover yourself with rotting meat at ALL TIMES! This is crucial, since bears consider themselves very "high-class" and will avoid spoiled food like the plague.
2.) If you messed up that first step, then what you need to do is act like a wounded, weak animal. Twitch, jerk, and snarl. All these things will save your life.
3.) For wolves, you're gonna wear really bright and colorful clothing. Wolves are homophobic; they'll stay the fuck away from you.
4.) If an encounter is inevitable, prepare your surroundings. Pee on yourself; the wolves will get the idea that you own yourself, thus they lose interest. Make hyper, jerking motions. The wolves will see this and reflect on their own animalistic behavior and move on. Finally, you need to lay on your belly in the middle of their circle. I'm not exactly sure what this will do, because no other human being has ever done it.