Ender

[candlejack131]

The story seems good, but try not to mix Alexander in it. It's used in a lot of CS. JUst change names, that's all.

Also, I love the "good" endings, where you escape. But, the final could be a situation where you had to escape from the slender and then it kills you.

Its not Alexander from normal amnesia lore that's Alexander "Brenenburg" My alex is Alexander Lovat. I'm not using his name for useful flashbacks i mean Alexander is about 27 what would he be doing with an old man voice. I gave him this name for it is my favorite name no other reason. I also used to write books and the main characters name was usually Alexander Lovat.

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Der Grobmann

Made me chuckle a bit If you don't have a "ß" on your Keyboard, you should use "ss" instead. (ß is pronounced like a sharp s) "Großmann" means "Tall man" , "Grobmann" would mean something like "thug" or "ruffian".
Made me think of a Slenderman with prison tattoos wielding a huge club xD

Anyway, back to the story.

Spoiler below!

I think whats lacking a bit still (or maybe you just didn't mention it to keep things short) is the clear motivation of Baron Redwood. If there was a reason for his behaviour other than "he just does what slenderman tells him to do", it would make the story more interesting and also provide you with several possibilities for the ending. For example you could reveal a motivation that puts his actions in a different light and suddenly makes us think differently of a character we previously thought to be evil.

Also, but this is more my personal taste, I would prefer the connection between Alexanders family (really, change the name, its a bit confusing because one always thinks of characters named Alexander as being the evil ones) and the Baron to be less "forced" plot-wise.
Its a bit weird that he would come to the Baron for protection - if he doesn't even believe Slenderman is a real danger, why would he do that? You could solve that more elegantly by just having him be a servant of the Baron that lives on the castle grounds with his family (not too unusual for a castle to have "servant quarters") or something like that.

I spelled it Der Grobmann because it is German for "the Rough man" a name i actually find threatening and intimidating.

Spoiler below!

I did try to keep it short so let me spread the details a bit The baron is "not" doing what slenderman is asking he is trying to keep Alexander's family safe. He only handed over the child for it was the originally marked person. he thought that by giving up the boy Slenderman would be at peace and leave the family be however this was NOT the case Slenderman did not leave for by getting involved Alex Redwood and his wife where still marked for getting involved. Redwood assumed that this was because Alex still roamed the mansions halls. SO he sent Alex away but could not do so for no reason. Thats why he blamed him for the death of his son and even claims that Alexanders wife is "dead" although she did not go missing and Redwood actually "hid" her from Alex. Is there anymore that i should explain a lot was left out on purpose :/. Also he came to the baron for saftey because shortly after his son returns from the forest strange events start to occur in his home. He realizes that Slenderman is real and his doings where foolish. So he took shelter in the barons manor for he thought he would be safer under the barons guard. I mean The baron is in charge of the entire city/village so it makes sense that it would be well protected. Is there anything else i need to clarify?