How have you changed in the past 3 years?

[Mudbill]

I used to be very easily controlled because of my need to help others or make them happy, and so I would often do things I didn't really want to, hoping it be a good thing. Most of these were just small tasks, like lending money to random classmates or fetching things, but I kinda let myself get bitched around. I didn't mind it much back then, but later it started to really get to me.

Even today I still give in sometimes, if I know the other person really appreciates it, but I don't try to do meaningless things in hopes of being liked. I know now that it doesn't really matter nor help to do such, and it sometimes just ruins things.

I still like to help people, but I have found other ways. It's more meaningful to do things if they aren't done very often. By that I don't mean that I refrain from helping someone too much (although I do prefer if I can help them help themselves), but that I won't give them what they expect, if what they expect is too much for me. I have been guilt-tripped many times and now whenever I feel like I am, I try even more to not give in. I don't want to be pushed around anymore, but at the same time I don't want to seem like I don't care...

But in a sense that's how it's become. I do care, but I don't show it and I don't think about it. If someone close to me asks about something personal, I'll try to avoid it or reply short. If I think about it, things generally just get worse for me, but sometimes when I don't, they tend to do anyway if the one who asks really want me to...

Whoop-de-doo x.x