A Dastardly Realization *SPOILERS*

[Froge]

"I'm...a robot?"

Glowing red eyes stared back from within the mirror. His head was a round metal hood that formed a case which covered the projector that comprised his face. Below, his body was a complex mass of metal and wire. It reminded him of a black astronaut's suit - though, of course, astronauts no longer existed - except there was some kind of a white metal device on his abdomen, like a monitor.

It was strange and unnerving. He still felt like a human being, at least in terms of all the physical functions of his body. He could move his limbs, speak, breathe, hear, and think. His fingers were flexible and could hold anything as well as a human hand. But his memory indicated that he was a man from Toronto named Simon, and this man was certainly not a robot. So why was he in this big metallic body?

"Of course you're a robot," Catherine's voice spoke from the emitter of the Omnitool. "Haven't you noticed that you could breathe and walk perfectly fine underwater?"

"I did, and I was confused, but I never thought that I'd become like...this."

After waking up inside a dark and broken down laboratory, walking around on the ocean floor, chased around by mysterious mechanical abominations, and finding other machines that could speak and behave like human beings, Simon had finally made his way to the site named Theta. Now he was talking to a female voice named Catherine that apparently came out of an all-purpose device named the Omnitool.

Also, a comet had crashed onto the surface of the planet, all of humanity was dead except for them (and maybe a few survivors at the other sites), and he had been transported one hundred years into the future after volunteering for a brain scan that could apparently save his life.

This day was certainly not going as planned.

"But I don't feel any different," Simon said, turning around to face the Omnitool - a pointless gesture, as Catherine was just a disembodied voice that couldn't possibly see (or could she?) "I still feel like Simon. I still feel like a human being!"

"That's because you are Simon," Catherine replied, her voice as calm as always. "You were made from a brain scan of him, so you have all the same memories and thoughts that he had at that time."

"Then...why am I a robot!?"

"Because, you got downloaded into a suit," Catherine said, groaning. "Come on, how hard is this to understand? You don't have a human body anymore, but you are still Simon."

He turned back to the mirror and touched his face again. She was right. He was a robot. No human could possibly look like this. There was a fundamental difference between having flesh, skin, and hair, and being made out of metal and wires.

Yet, something didn't feel quite right. In a way, he had always known that he wasn't actually in a human body anymore. The underwater experience had proven it conclusively, but, before that, he had felt that something was missing. Something important. Something that a human had, but which a robot body was significantly lacking...

"CATHERINE!" Simon yelled as he came to a realization. "But I'm not Simon anymore!"

"Do I have to repeat myself again?"

"No, I'm serious! I'm missing a really important human organ!"

He heard laughing coming out of the omnitool.

"Took you long enough," she said in a sly tone of voice. "Come on, now. Don't be afraid to say the word. I know that you twenty first century people were quite shy and conservative about your body parts, but you don't have to be that way around me."

"I don't have a penis!"

"Correct observation," Catherine said, giggling again. "Your robot suit doesn't have one, but don't worry. When we were designing these suits with the plan of downloading brain scans into them, we were aware that such a problem was going to emerge. At the time, we brought together all our leading scientists to think of a feasible solution. There were many suggestions, but almost all of them required a long, metallic device to be attached to the suit, making them look ridiculous. So, we decided to just create a simulation of all the functions and sensations of male and female genitals, which was then downloaded into an omnitool - it's all-purpose, after all - to be utilized by any robot at will."

"Really?" Simon said, imitating the expression of raising his eyebrows. "So, how does it work?"

"You'll need to unplug me first," Catherine said. "Now, there are instructions on the back of the omnitool. Just follow them, and you'll be able to feel something akin to the sensations that you desire in no time."

Simon grabbed the omnitool and looked at the back of it. Sure enough, there were instructions right there on how to use this multipurpose device to simulate the sensation of having either male or female genitals.

The lights in the room flickered. He heard a coarse screeching sound in the distance. It was probably another one of the WAU's monsters.

It didn't matter. He needed to feel the sensation again, and he needed to feel it now.

He looked over the instructions for simulation of the penis, when suddenly he realized that he could do a lot better than that. When he had been a human, he had always wondered about how it would be like to have a female body. The suit was unisex, and the Omnitool certainly didn't say anything about having to conform to the gender of the memory that was downloaded. It would be a completely unique experience that could never have been achieved if he remained human.

Maybe being a robot wasn't so bad after all.

After reading the instructions, he searched around the back of his suit for an opening. Sure enough, there was a hatch that could be opened, right around the area that he believed to be his robotic ass. As per the specification of the instructions, he carefully inserted the omnitool through his hatch, and then searched around for a round spot - it was supposed to be no more than an inch in length - that was made up of a nest of wires. As soon as he found it, he attached the omnitool.

Electromagnetism exploded through his mind. No, not like the pain that had bombarded him when he had been struck by the Jiangshi. This type of electromagnetism was entirely different. It was the most amazing sensation that he could imagine. It made his body feel warm, and tender, and a fantastic sensation was just rubbing against him and something very ticklish was building up within him and he felt like he just couldn't hold it in any longer-

He pulled the omnitool out. It was more than he could take, but he wanted to experience it again. Alas, he had a mission to accomplish, a mission to save humanity. Perhaps he could do it again after he got that damn security cipher.

"Catherine! That was amazing!" Simon yelled after plugging the omnitool back into the network. "You really did a good job simulating these sensations!"

"Of course we did. This is the year 2104, Simon," Catherine replied. "Our technology is almost a century ahead of your time's. What did you expect?"

Simon made an imitation of the human expression known as a smile.

"I guess being a robot isn't so bad after all."