Gilgamesh
Junior Member
Posts: 4
Threads: 0
Joined: Oct 2010
Reputation:
0
|
RE: I Am William - I need another voice actor for diary reading :)
I'd take up the challenge, but I lack the gear.
Instead, I hope you won't be offended if I wish to offer some, hiopefully, constructive criticism. I don't know what kind of a person you wish to portray in the text, but I couldn't help but notice afew grammatical quirks. Nothing explicitly incorrect, but were you to have the same kind of articulated style most of Amnesia had, I'd change a few spots:
Dear William,
I am terribly sorry for having to leave you like that, but I had to leave Khalmar to do some errands. By now you are probably aware that our friend and companion Oliver is dead. He was found dead in my cellar a week ago and I dont have a clue why he died. That's where you come in. Show me what a great detective you are and solve the murder of Oliver. I will be returning in a week or so, until then [or just plain "meanwhile"] you may use my castle as if it were your own.
Regards,
your partner and brother in law, Jonathan
Again, I don't know if these proposed changes fit into your character. Also I, although not a bad english speaker, am not a native and I can't guarantee my text's grammar either.
I hope I was of assistance.
PS: I don't know how parts of the text turned blue, and I can't make them black again either. I'm quessing it has to do with quoting.
EDIT: Heh, I now see someone already did the same I did. I'll leave this here anyway.
(This post was last modified: 09-23-2011, 08:36 PM by Gilgamesh.)
|
|
09-23-2011, 08:35 PM |
|