[Discussion] Is this storyline too corny?

[hbcAntonio]

Hi there! So far, I think your plot is fine. Here are some concepts that, in my opinion, would make it better:

1. Ghosts filled with hatred? Why not a villain who actually control these ghosts, seeking to use the power of the fallen ones to regain his former glory and (rule the world?) maybe finish his vendetta against Erenmores (he may have been a renegade, he may have lost the love of his life there, he may have been denied Lyndia)?

2. Following the context above, there is space for 'be-the-hero' kind of stuff. Imagine you're the pharmacist, and you're desperately in love the mistress. The villain wouldn't allow you to save Lyndia, or perhaps he needs someone who loves the one he once loved so that a ritual (?) can be completed. Sick villain with 'if you cannot be mine you're no one else's!' guideline.

3. Burnsvale was abandoned. Why? Is it falling apart? Or maybe in the past something terrible took over the castle? Could it still be there, waiting for someone to summon it? These secrets may have been resting in Burnsvale all along, and our renegade villain found shelter there?

Hey, these are just some ideas, the main point is that I am always atracted to stories by their details and the proposital holes in the plot. It tells me just a bit of what happened, enough not to let me frustrated (like, WHY AM I HERE? WHY IS THIS CASTLE ABANDONED? WHY THESE GHOSTS WANT TO KILL EVERYONE?) but not that much, so I can fill the holes myself, figuring out the reasons (not guession, never guessing, guessing is bad, guessing is terrible) and getting more and more involved with the story.