Amnesia: A Machine For Pigs Discussion Topic Part 2

[The Raining Brains]

ok

there once was a man named blue
blue had lots of glue on his shoes
on top of a hill was his house
and in with him was a mouse
this mouse would crawl under the floor
joe really liked to eat pizza

there is absolutely nothing forced sounding or out of place about that last sentence and it's totally not just tacked on becos there are no rules to poetry and i can do whatever i want with it right??? wow um ok no you can't say that i totally broke he structure i set up and made it sound awkward because you're just trying to impose a structure on my poem and poems don't need to conform to a structure, it's not like a clearly set one up the entire poem and then just got lazy and decided to drop it at the end or anything!!! IT'S JUST DONE FOR EFFECT TO MAKE IT SOUND ARTSY AND MYSTERIOUS you PHILISTINE

i dunno why i thought coming back to this thread was a good idea

hm

Calm down man. I apologise if my post came off the wrong way or something...but I really just think you're looking at it the wrong way. It is not lazy or tacked on at all. In fact I think the poem would be fairly weak without it. The entire effect of it pretty much rides on that last repetition at the end.

You're supposed to shift subtle emphasis to "light up".

"Will flood through her head
and light up her head"

I think it works well. I really don't understand why you can't see that. The shift of structure is intentional. It sort of tails off like an echo. It reinforces the imagery. I don't know how else to explain it...

Can anyone else help me out here?