AMFP Member Review Thread

[BigShell]

DD: 10/10
MFP: 1/10
Where to start? First: To "piggy-back" (ho ho, get it?) off of Najtnub: I find it odd that there are so many good ratings. Yet, so far, there isn't a single good review (here, up to post #10, its going to take me a while to put this all down). Second: I would challenge FG, and/or TCR, to post a discussion on Steam. If there is one already, it is lost amongst the rage and shouting. Wear a helmet. Carry a big stick.
I'm new here so I have no idea how to implement the spoiler tool. I assume I'm safe; people should realize there is going to be spoilers in a review. If not weeeoooweeooo SPOILER ALERT!!
Take away the great aesthetics and you've got yourself a book. On its own merits; this game was 6hr of me going, "hunh.". Not exactly what I expect from "scary" games. If it happened IRL you bet your bum I'd freak out, and shortly after be pummeled to death by a manbearpig!
1) Storyline: Creepy. Seriously though, creepy ghost twins? I immediately "/facepalm". Do the developers not watch movies?! What father, in his right mind, would seriously chase his kids through a mansion? Your average father would demand that they do as they're told and "get TF over here!" Regardless, all-in-all, it was just as good as every other horror genre storyline out there. No more, no less. Decent.
2) Atmosphere: Bonk! What happened?! I frequently would save and quit while playing DD because it would put my anxiety level far above an acceptable level! My GF didn't even make it to the monsters on DD because, "It's too creepy, I don't like it." The following are symptoms of the perturbation caused by DD's atmosphere: I would consistently slap my keyboard/mouse off the table because either the game spooked me, or by someone simply knocking at my door. I would drink "yesterday's" soda; you'd think I'd notice it wasn't cold. I would practice hiding, and stack makeshift forts if there was no wardrobe to be found. NONE of these things happened when I played MFP! I played it from start to finish. I couldn't even sneak up on my GF and poke her in the ribs! That's, mainly, why she quit playing DD. MFP just wasn't that scary. "Did you hear that?! Oh wait, no that was my stomach..." Now that I think about it, I didn't even lean, around the corners, once! Was that even an option?
3) Inventory: One hand, one object. Which was to be used, no less than, 20ft away. Barbie feet.
4) Lighting: The unlimited lantern usage was a slap in the face. Especially when you realize that you hardly even need it. I had to bring the brightness down past the recommended value, just to have need of it. I used it, mostly, to illuminate the non-threatening manbearpigs. It made for better captions on the screenshots. Like: "Gary, is that you?" Flickering lights... phfffff. Come on, what did that even mean? The manbearpigs also have EMF discharges?! But, what's this? There's no manbearpigs anywhere in sight. "Oop, there's one. Hi Gary!" "Oink!" "Hey, that's my lantern! Give back!"
5) Graphics: This they got right. Much better looking than previous titles! Heck, I had to change computers to run the darn thing. Then, yet again, when I realized I was still lagging. Freakin' gorgeous!
6) Interactivity: Get real! What happened?! No "hidey-holes", no boxes to stack, and for goodness sake no random garbage to throw?! I remember throwing stuff to distract the shambling abominations on DD, while I beat a hasty retreat!
7) Replay Value: If anything, you missed a maximum of two notes. Hardly worth replaying. The extremely linear progression makes that a trip not worth taking twice! "Gary, should we go left or right?" "Oink!" "What do you mean it all circles around to the same area?!" "Oink!" "Ok, whatever. Left it is."
8) Puzzles: Every last one of them telegraphed. Not a single one stumped me. Justine, stumped me. These made me rethink how smart the Dev's think we are. Let me get one thing straight here: the only time I drool is when I sleep. And not even that often!
In Conclusion: The biggest mistake made: Not educating myself further, on what this game was going to be. I missed all the red flags. Dev's talking about focusing on the story, and so forth. I fooled myself into purchasing a $20 book! I'm utterly shocked that they would use the title Amnesia! I, again fooled myself, into believing this was going to be a similar experience that the name Amnesia suggests. It, most certainly, was not. It felt like Amnesia: A Scooby Doo Mystery. Look, keep the $20! Consider it a tip for The Dark Descent. Just DO NOT tag another game with "Amnesia" unless you're going to replicate the experience we all (those who were disappointed) assumed we were getting. I know FG and TCR have put out some pretty great games! This wasn't one of them. It felt like the great Dragon Age 2 debacle of 2011! As far as all the seething hatred: What's your deal gamers? I waited, "foaming at the mouth" for this release too. Restraint, my friends. No need to "huff and puff and blow their house in" (oh, there's too many ways to crack jokes (Hamnesia was my personal favorite)). By the way, Gary isn't his real name. He hates when I call him that! It's actually Sir Reginald Featherbottom III.
Here's a few things that didn't make logical sense: 1) Who was making the piles of bodies, and why where the majority of them naked? You're telling me that they will pounce on me and eat me and then, "Hey Gary, that's 20. Strip the others naked and start a new pile."? 2) Who closed the door during the scene in which the person is grabbed by the manbearpig in that house? Both arms around the girl, and BAM the door slams shut! These foul creatures now have telekinetic powers?! Or just that one? 3) That Uncle Fester wannabe light bulb manbearpig. Did I just see him teleport?! Seriously, there's only one of them. That's the only variation? 1 super pig, then back to normal?

Edit: Holy wow! 300something, I obviously miscounted the posts here. That or I took an awful long time to finish!