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[PutraenusAlivius]

Hey guys! I just came back from a vacation so what the fuck did I miss for the last 2 1/2 days?

Basically, I got enrolled in Götterdämmerung University, which is a school for promising young wizards like me. I was called into the office of Headmaster Corinthian, who was also a professor of magical biochemistry. He explained to me that the time was Ragnarök, the beginning of the war against the Chaos Kings. He then brought me to my TA, a prodigious student of Applied Wizardry by the name of Damascus. He gave me a crash course through Introductory Pyromancy, Novice Summoning, and Basic Herbalism so that I would be prepared to fight in the war. Then I met General Ghieri, who told me that I was the prophetic one.

Overnight, a devious murder happened. An assassin sneaked into the university and murdered headmaster Corinthian. We were also betrayed by Professor Googol, a strange man who was known to kidnap male students and use magic to impregnate them, but had not been fired because he had tenure. He helped the assassin kill Corinthian. Fortunately we caught both of them and they stood trial. They were to die by mpreg.

We waged war against the First Wehrmacht of the Chaos kings, who attacked our garrisons with the combined army of 2000 chaos wizards, 1500 Orcs, 800 Minotaurs, 1000 Medusas, 400 Nightmares, 300 Ifrits, 200 Hydras, and 100 Black Dragons. Then we used our aviation wizards to turn our university into a flying citadel and we waged overseas war against the Second Wehrmacht: an army of 3000 chaos wizards, 1600 Dark Elves, 900 Nagas, 600 Cyclopses, 400 Fenrirs, 200 Sea Monsters, 150 Lightning Birds, and 100 Phoenixes.

Before engaging in the final battle, I decided to do a side quest. Along with Ghieri and Damascus, we went to a strange island and killed the Ancient Eldritch Abomination who dwelled there. My reward was an Orb.

We rammed our flying citadel against the fortress of the remaining Chaos Kings and engaged against the full might of their army: 10000 chaos wizards, 8000 orcs, 6000 Dark Elves, 500 Black Dragons, 300 Behemoths, 200 Fallen Angels, and 3 Chaos Dragons. We pulled all stops and our graduate students just threw magical nukes at them until they stopped moving. Then we entered the Chaos Castle for the final battle and fought two more Chaos Kings there, who I slew with the powers of my Orb. But a strange barrier prevented my allies from proceeding into the throne room.

I went in alone, without my Orb, and met the final Chaos King, whose name was Dogfood. He took out a gun and started firing at me. I remembered, suddenly, that I was an archer. I shot arrows at him while hiding behind the pillars in the room. Then he took out a rocket launcher and blew up half the room and then opened up a can that filled the room with Chlorine Gas. In the ensuing smoke I shot him in the throat with an arrow and he shot me. We both fell dead to the ground.

How long did it took you to think and wrote that?