Snowed In (Custom Story DEMO RELEASED)

[ChoskarChulian]

"Streetboat"?
...Sir??

You just made someone make an account, just so he could post in your thread.
This Custom Story was most pleasing, not to say...EXTREMLY AMAZING!!

I was most impressed, the athmospheare...woah...The scares...phew...
Needless to say I made friend with those Grey Armor Guys from the Middleages.
Also, with tehm chaires. I called them "Chairy" (this is no joke, lol, all this is true).

Plus at the End, when I was afraid I might lose "Greyi" or "Chairy", "Chairy" told me he also comes in the form of walls, everywhere there is a wall, he is. His second name is "Wally".

You said you have problems with the story??
Here are my SUGGESTIONS, they might be HELPFUL:
Well I think when you first encounter a monster, you´re character should be literally like "What the F*ck? I need to get out of here"...Then you go back from where you came and the door is gone, a text line appears coming from your char: "What the Hell? There was a Door. What the F*ck is this??
Oh my God, what am I supposed to now, why does this happen to me?"

I think if you used those text lines ALOT (like the "yes I can think much clearer now" part) that would be sth. new & refreshing, which you haven´t seen before in customs storys. The character should get some "colour", not be so "pale".
You should be able to sympathize with him, because he has the exact same FEELINGS as YOU do.

He/You have to be FORCED to go through there. Neither you nor your char want to continue, but you just can´t get out.