(06-21-2013, 06:19 PM)Your Computer Wrote:

PHP Code:

void OnStart()
{
    FadeOut(0);
    FadeIn(5);
} 


Spoiler below!

Mapping
Pretty Basic. It's the mansionbase object-set, with different rooms.
I didn't feel like you had a big empty space with nothing in it, and that's good for a beginner.
Now that you've tried making a map with mansionbase, try challenging your using the other bases. Look at frictional games' maps to get inspiration.
You had some rooms that I quite didn't understand. Small rooms with shelves. When you are making a real story, try to make it look more like a house, and not just rooms that you need to be there, because you need to. Everything must make sense.
Also those sanity potions weren't necessary at all. Don't give them, if they're not necessary.

Lighting
Very simple too. There were no pitch blackness, which is very good, for a first map. Though, no darkness either. The map was well lit, which is good. But you need some darkness too, to make a contrast. The skybox confused me a little. Is the sun 5 inches from the window?

Scripting
I see you know how to use mementos, setting stuff active and inactive, you can control the player and the movements of the player (Great).
You had some sounds that were great, but didn't really have much relation to anything.

Scares
You had a decent build up to a scare. I like the way you first had to follow a blood trail, and then just leave it. I was prepared for a monster to jump out from the blocked door, but no. And that made the situation a little more tense. Because when will he then release the monsters? (I was assuming you were gonna use monsters because, of course you would. First map. Of course you have to play with monsters)
Ok, so then you have to return to the blood trail again. The tension is rising. What is at the end. (This is just written text. It wasn't super tense, but it was fine as a beginning.)
You get to the closet, the player gets slower while looking at it, and BAM! Suitor to the face. POOF. Easy scare. Now you had released all my tension.
HINT: This is where you should stop. No more monsters yet. You're going to fast no... hey hold up! sto- stop! No wa- another monster? 2? How many are there?
You had a decent build up, but you need to stop it there. Let it go. If you want another big scare, (Monsters go hand in hand with big scares. They're not small scares), you have to build up to it again. I know it's a lot of work, but it is working.

Story
Story. What story?
Yea, there wasn't really a story, and you're probably aware of that
You first note was fine, but different things popped into my head.
- Why did he have to go?
- Don't bring up the animals at the door this early in the map. Monsters shouldn't be displayed right in the start. You didn't either, but instead create another note. It will help with the tension. In the beginning you're only going to need an introduction and some questions. You had that, they just weren't answered all of them..

In conclusion
Decent map.
Cons:
Too much monsters! The poofer was enough. Don't bring up more bad guys. The player can't even handle 1.

The story is weak, but this is your first map, and you probably didn't focus a lot on it. It was the mapping wasn't it?

A little weird mapping, but you'll get better. Much better, if you continue. Have a look at the screenshot criticism thread once in a while. You might get inspired.

Pros:
Great lighting. Just remember to get some contrast from the bright places.
Have some dark places too. Not next to each other, but a little later.
Also remember that just because I said I liked the lighting, doesn't mean that you now know everything about lighting. Far from. It's just because it's your first map. You're going to learn much more!

The one with leaving the blood trail, and then returning, is good! Leaving something interesting is great! You forced me to leave something that I didn't want to! But I was also afraid of what was inside. That's a great combination.

(06-21-2013, 10:21 PM)BeeKayK Wrote:

Spoiler below!

Mapping
Pretty Basic. It's the mansionbase object-set, with different rooms.
I didn't feel like you had a big empty space with nothing in it, and that's good for a beginner.
Now that you've tried making a map with mansionbase, try challenging your using the other bases. Look at frictional games' maps to get inspiration.
You had some rooms that I quite didn't understand. Small rooms with shelves. When you are making a real story, try to make it look more like a house, and not just rooms that you need to be there, because you need to. Everything must make sense.
Also those sanity potions weren't necessary at all. Don't give them, if they're not necessary.

Lighting
Very simple too. There were no pitch blackness, which is very good, for a first map. Though, no darkness either. The map was well lit, which is good. But you need some darkness too, to make a contrast. The skybox confused me a little. Is the sun 5 inches from the window?

Scripting
I see you know how to use mementos, setting stuff active and inactive, you can control the player and the movements of the player (Great).
You had some sounds that were great, but didn't really have much relation to anything.

Scares
You had a decent build up to a scare. I like the way you first had to follow a blood trail, and then just leave it. I was prepared for a monster to jump out from the blocked door, but no. And that made the situation a little more tense. Because when will he then release the monsters? (I was assuming you were gonna use monsters because, of course you would. First map. Of course you have to play with monsters)
Ok, so then you have to return to the blood trail again. The tension is rising. What is at the end. (This is just written text. It wasn't super tense, but it was fine as a beginning.)
You get to the closet, the player gets slower while looking at it, and BAM! Suitor to the face. POOF. Easy scare. Now you had released all my tension.
HINT: This is where you should stop. No more monsters yet. You're going to fast no... hey hold up! sto- stop! No wa- another monster? 2? How many are there?
You had a decent build up, but you need to stop it there. Let it go. If you want another big scare, (Monsters go hand in hand with big scares. They're not small scares), you have to build up to it again. I know it's a lot of work, but it is working.

Story
Story. What story?
Yea, there wasn't really a story, and you're probably aware of that
You first note was fine, but different things popped into my head.
- Why did he have to go?
- Don't bring up the animals at the door this early in the map. Monsters shouldn't be displayed right in the start. You didn't either, but instead create another note. It will help with the tension. In the beginning you're only going to need an introduction and some questions. You had that, they just weren't answered all of them..

In conclusion
Decent map.
Cons:
Too much monsters! The poofer was enough. Don't bring up more bad guys. The player can't even handle 1.

The story is weak, but this is your first map, and you probably didn't focus a lot on it. It was the mapping wasn't it?

A little weird mapping, but you'll get better. Much better, if you continue. Have a look at the screenshot criticism thread once in a while. You might get inspired.

Pros:
Great lighting. Just remember to get some contrast from the bright places.
Have some dark places too. Not next to each other, but a little later.
Also remember that just because I said I liked the lighting, doesn't mean that you now know everything about lighting. Far from. It's just because it's your first map. You're going to learn much more!

The one with leaving the blood trail, and then returning, is good! Leaving something interesting is great! You forced me to leave something that I didn't want to! But I was also afraid of what was inside. That's a great combination.

(06-22-2013, 09:31 AM)Oliwarrior123 Wrote: Well not bad, not bad. well lit, nicely placed objects. good scares in my opinion (I really liked you could not sprint at all, made it a little bit more scary ) im 13, and i don't have much to say, only keep up good work, and like BeeKayk said, try to make the other base Example: castle, sewer, dungeon and so on. short, good. keep trying challenging yourself by expirementing with scares, maze where grunt,brute or the last 1 (dont remember, but that one that came out of the closet) chases you. im working on second custom story right now, with story, and my first was even worse than yours So, goodluck and may the grunt hunt you down til the end of the day. xD