[SPOILER] Need a title for my story pls? - Printable Version +- Frictional Games Forum (read-only) (https://www.frictionalgames.com/forum) +-- Forum: Frictional Games (https://www.frictionalgames.com/forum/forum-3.html) +--- Forum: Off-Topic (https://www.frictionalgames.com/forum/forum-16.html) +--- Thread: [SPOILER] Need a title for my story pls? (/thread-25941.html) Pages:
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Need a title for my story pls? - Radical Batz - 08-23-2014 I am goign to write a horror story and after I finished that, I am going to convert it into a cs! But the title of this story is going to be the title of the cs too and I can't think of one! If you guys could help me and give me creative ttiles for it thent hnx, here's the story! "Hi my name is Jonathan, I am a farmer. I work hard veryday, feeding animals, and always doing chores. One night I was sleeping in my comfy hay matress, I didn't have a bed like those riuch people but it's my home. I was snoring as loud as one of those sheeps I have in the barn, but luckily they are quiet today. Probably I fed them the right time. All I heard is those pesky crickets outside of my window, but other than that it was too silent. Until i heard a strange racket down in the barn, it sounded like footsteps, very big footsteps. "What was that, Did that come from my barn? I better check" I told to myself while I woke up from bed. One thing I forgot to tell you, I was sleeping in my attic, and the roof is so low that I can barely stand up that my head would hit the ceiling. My grand grand father built this attic when he was in his 60's. I went down the trapdoor and held the lid of the trapdoor while I was holding on to my ladder to go down. I jumped down and closed the trapdoor behind me. I went down the creaky wooden stairs into my cabin, got my matches just in case it was too dark in the barn, grabbed my Sweater and went out the back door. It was so cold outside that I can barely feel my fingers! I walked through the farm, I looked through the windy breeze which felt like it was pushing me back, I almost sneezed. I ran to the barn and noticed that the barn door was slightly open. I don't remember leaving it open, maybe it's just the wind that made it slightly open a bit.I walked in, it was pitch black, I tried to turn on my matchstick but none of them worked. Everytime I try to light one, it keeps going off because of the wind. That's when I went back outside and immediately saw some kind of shooting star flying in the sky and saw it go into my cellar at high speed, and heard it crash like some kind of meteor. "Shit, my cellar is destroyed, I need to check what that thing was" I'm sorry but can't tell you any further in case of spoilers, but yeah. Pls help me find out a title for this story/aka a cs and yeah, don't make it too cliche. thnx RE: Need a title for my story pls? - Daemian - 08-23-2014 "No title" RE: Need a title for my story pls? - Radical Batz - 08-23-2014 (08-23-2014, 01:17 PM)Amn Wrote: "No title" wow thnx, best title 11/10 :p RE: Need a title for my story pls? - PutraenusAlivius - 08-23-2014 The Mysterious Noises at the Barn. RE: Need a title for my story pls? - Radical Batz - 08-23-2014 (08-23-2014, 01:41 PM)First Captain Wrote: The Mysterious Noises at the Barn. That's kinda cliche in my opinion :/ RE: Need a title for my story pls? - i3670 - 08-23-2014 The Curious Incident of the Sheep in the Night-time RE: Need a title for my story pls? - MrWhitticus - 08-23-2014 Back at the Barnyard 2: The Reckoning RE: Need a title for my story pls? - ThatCrazyShaman - 08-23-2014 Hmmm... The first thing that comes to mind is 'The Noise in the Night'. Sort of stupid sounding, though. RE: Need a title for my story pls? - FlawlessHappiness - 08-23-2014 Steps of midnight. Please go through your grammar afterwards because I can spot different stuff that isn't correct ^_^ RE: Need a title for my story pls? - Romulator - 08-24-2014 Not a title, but here's a fix up of (most of) your errors, some spelling related, some punctual and some grammatical. I have tried to keep it in your style of text though. Spoiler below!
A summary of your errors (basically, the more noticeable things I changed: Spoiler below!
One other problem, which is OKAY if English is not your forte, because it's not always easy coming up with sentences, is your excessive use of "I". "I did this." "I did that." "I had to stop." Overusing I is repetitive and unnecessary. We already know that you are doing these things. Try starting your sentences with an action or a description of the scenario. Here's how I would write the last few bits, but don't feel discouraged. I have nearly 18 years of English under my belt. And yet I am still no good at this. Spoiler below!
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