Vore

[Froge]

It was a bright, cool, and breezy spring afternoon when ALIAS the dark wizard parked his SUV at the crowded little plaza on the edge of town. Today, he had decided that he wanted to eat dinner at his favourite restaurant. He had parked in front of the place known as Kman's Krepes, a restaurant which served delicious and reputably "lumberjack-sized" pancakes and waffles. Everyone loved this joint and visited the place often to let their taste buds frolick in the ambrosial meadows of sugar and honey and syrup that coated the Krepes. Of course, they also had to eat with moderation. For ALIAS, it was all the better as diabetes was rarely a concern for powerful dark wizards.

He had had a hard dark's work being the chancellor of the western necromantic realms of Axeoth. ALIAS' lunch was spent maintaining order amongst his legions of brainless undead minions, and he had wasted the rest of the afternoon working on the summoning ritual of the demon-conjuration Inferno Portals. Halfway through he had been interrupted by a group of servants who complained to him that the human livestock were planning to stage a revolt, and ALIAS had to abandon his ritual so that he could go to the prison chambers and crush the rebels. When he had finally completed the ritual from start to finish, ALIAS was mad with hunger and departed immediately in his Volkswagen to go to his favourite restaurant, leaving the command of his necromantic kingdom in the hands of Lucifer XXVI, one of his demon generals.

The evening shadows seemed to become longer the instant that ALIAS stepped out of his car. He looked at the restaurant in front of him and saw immediately a most displeasing sight: the restaurant's name had changed and was no longer "Kman's Krepes," but was now rather "Pman's Partridges." ALIAS cursed to himself and wondered what kind of infernal lowlife mortal scum had bought out his favourite joint. He would find this person and slay them with the soul-annihilation spells of Kalibarr, lich-king of the old Necromantic Order of Axeoth. They would be rent apart limb by limb while their minds roasted in the black soulfires of the hellish Other Realms. ALIAS' fantasies of delicious torture was suddenly interrupted, however, by a pain that gnawed at his stomach. He had already driven this far and was in no mood to return home yet. Furthermore, hunger was an ailment that simply couldn't be ignored.

Cursing again at the gods of fortune that hated him so, ALIAS proceeded towards the restaurant and stopped at the door. He would step in calmly, his black cape and long silver hair billowing behind him, and maintain as composed as he could while he sat down at one of the disgusting tables to check the menu. No doubt he would have to speak to the sniveling, wretched human filth that took his order, and it would take all of his strength and determination to keep himself from ripping the little rat apart. And then he would probably have to wait several minutes before his food arrived, leaving him at hunger's mercy for much longer than was necessary. ALIAS took a deep breath, placed his hand upon the door handle, and pulled it open.

In he walked, his majestic black cape and long silver hair billowing ominously behind him just as he imagined it would, and his sanity was spared immolation when he saw that he was fortunate enough that most of the tables were empty. ALIAS sat and waited for a few moments before being greeted what appeared to be an acne-riddled adolescent boy. He immediately groaned in disgust. These were considered amongst the Necromantic Order to be the lowest of the low, the most unbearable vermin of the already-intolerable race of pathetic garbage one called "humankind." Though ALIAS tried to restrain himself, he already felt his hand reaching for his Staff of Apocalyptic Judgment that he kept sheathed on the side of his belt as soon as he heard the boy's first words:

"Welcome to Pman's Partridges. How may I help you?"

They were spoken in such a monotone voice ALIAS thought, for a moment, that he was standing face to face with a robot. He had no wish to interact with this foul creature any longer than was necessary, and refused to even glimpse at the menu.

"Give me your largest and most expensive dish, you filthy runt," ALIAS responded in a tone that seethed with violence and hatred. The boy did not even react to ALIAS' words and simply jotted down something on a notepad before promptly heading away into the kitchen.

ALIAS was enraged. The boy did not even tell him what it was that he had ordered, and now he would have to sit and wait for countless unbearable minutes for his mystery food to arrive. He wanted at that moment nothing more than to take out his staff and unleash (aptly-named) apocalyptic judgment to this table, this room, this entire restaurant and all the disgusting little rats that inhabited the place. How glorious it would be to see the miserable humans roasted alive, the dark flames of the Elder spells incinerating their frail little bodies into ash! But he wouldn't just stop there - no, once he got started, he would have to take down the whole plaza, and perhaps the entire town as well. After burning down this store, he would walk to the nearby buildings and unleash his murderous rage upon everybody inside. They would run frantically about while he picked at them one after another with his deadly spells - here a man flash fried with lighting, there a woman disintegrated into sand, and the children - oh, the children! - they will wail as venom-fire courses through their veins and consumes their blood, each dropping to the floor and returning moments later as walking corpses, new ranks for his ever-growing army of brainless minions. Then the entire town will burn, and the undead and countless demon-spawns will swarm all over the place, and soon all will bow down to he, ALIAS the dark wizard, ALIAS the chancellor of Axeoth, ALIAS the majestic and indomitable and inconquerable ruler of all thi-

He was broken out of his fantasies all of a sudden when his food arrived. The boy brought to him a massive plate covered by a demi-sphere white bowl. Spoons, forks, knives, and a handkerchief was laid down in front of the plate. The boy removed this cover a moment later to reveal a large and steaming brown partridge inside. It was covered thickly in a rich and creamy red sauce and decorated with a circle of carrots and leafy vegetables. The meat of the bird was tender and appeared to have been cooked to utter perfection. The partridge's body was also stuffed with a melange of countless other foods - some of which looked very much like the Krepes that ALIAS enjoyed so much - so that the bird appeared absolutely bloated, like a balloon that was about to pop at any second. ALIAS picked up his fork and poked at the partridge's body, wondering if it would actually burst.

"One Chronofox for you," the boy whispered before bowing and leaving the table.

Famished, ALIAS dug into his meal instantly. Instead of using his knife or fork or spoon, the dark wizard ripped the bird apart with his sharp red nails and tore at the meat. He greedily stuffed every edible portion of the bird into his mouth with zero consideration towards cleanliness or good eating etiquette. When he got to the stuffing, ALIAS lost all idea of moderation. He consumed everything, munching at this and that and eating no differently than a wild animal. The dark wizard even devoured the partridge's entire head. It was simply the smell that entranced him so, and the sauce, and the tastiness of it all - who knew that partridges could be so utterly delicious?

And he felt shame, too. Shame and embarrassment for stooping so low, for becoming like an animal himself, for falling such slave to hunger that even the other humans in the restaurant looked at him and thought him to be some wild circus act. Nothing to be menaced about - only a hungry man, a man that also happened to be a Necromancer and a wielder of the dark arts and the indomitable ruler of the kingdom of demons and undead.

Fifteen minutes later, all that was left of the bird was its bony carcass, and every edible mite of the partridge had been consumed. ALIAS licked hs fingers and leaned back in his seat, feeling satisfied. His stomach had finally been fulfilled, and he thought to himself that maybe this new store, Pman's Partridges, wasn't so bad at all. It was maybe even better than the Krepes! Of course, he would never openly say that - ALIAS didn't even tell anyone before about how much he liked Kman's Krepes - but at least, today, since his intolerable hunger had been sated, he would spare the lives of the fools that ran this restaurant, the fools that had served him such delicious food.

That was when he saw it.

Lying at the center of the bird carcass was a little rectangular piece of paper that had miraculously escaped the murderous intent of his mouth. He wondered what it was doing there, a piece of paper lying so nonchalantly in the middle of the plate. Had it been there all along underneath the partridge?

ALIAS picked up the paper. On it was written the message:

"Once you've eaten juan, you've eaten jamal.

-Pman"

The dark wizard shot up from his seat and stormed towards the boy that stood in front of the kitchen. Before the boy could even move or say anything, ALIAS had taken out the Staff of Apocalyptic Judgment from his belt and begun unleashing the most devastating of his spells. First came streaks of dark lightning that tore across the boy's body, slicing bloody lines through his skin and veins. Then a massive wreath of flame burst out of the boy's body and imploded his organs, and soon afterwards his bones were also fried to ashes. To top it off, a writhing mass of dark energy - black and purple shadows summoned straight out of the Necromantic Otherworld - swarmed into the room and utterly consumed the bloody mess that was left of this boy, vaporizing the very molecules that constituted his existence and casting them away into the hellish realms of eternal flame.

ALIAS turned around and stormed out of the room. He took his car keys out of his pockets and promptly made for his Volkswagen.

"I don't care what anyone says," ALIAS whispered to himself while entering his car, "I'll never eat at one of Kman's franchises ever again!"

[Macgyverthehero]

Looks nice. I'm tired of saying this but...

This again? Didn't we already have a big issue on stuff like this?

[Nice]

not kinky enough

[failedALIAS]

Your suffering will be the subject of myth for ages to come. Every breath you take will be a curse on yourself and your pitiful race. Every molecular reaction, every habit or tendency you partake, will be in proclivity to my sadism, my truculency. This, of course, will not be without due reason. All contemplation ever practiced by you, will be of how you might ever hope to quell my. . . appetite-- as you so descriptively put it --for reconciliation. A hopeless endeavor, but entertaining to me all the same. If someone were to measure all the kinetic energy flowing through my blood-boiled brain, multiply it by ten and add eleven digits, they will have not taken the first step in a hundred-million-mile journey to discovering just how many tribulations I've dreamed up, for you. . . To you, hell may be a fantasy, that you escape to for release of my actions. If you wanted a lord of death: I'm sorry to disappoint. There IS NO DEATH IN STORE FOR YOU! If only you were so lucky. . .

[Froge]

those centipedes on the bottom-left

fuk

[Kman]

Alias why are you so Madre?

I have some chill pills, do you want Juan?

[failedALIAS]

Alias why are you so Madre?

I have some chill pills, do you want Juan?

Well, maybe just. . .








You. . .

[Froge]

ALIAS, why are you a tombstone now?

[failedALIAS]

ALIAS, why are you a tombstone now?

I committed Most Honorable Suicide.

[Froge]

now we can be reunited in hell