vending machine

[Romulator]

The vending machine calms down, emitting a blue aura.

Puts a Tutsi Pop™ into the machine...

[CarnivorousJelly]

The number of licks required to reach the centre of a Tootsie Pop is printed on a small card... it's too tiny to read.

Dials "9-1-1" on the vending machine

[FlawlessHappiness]

The machine starts working. It sounds like an old computer, scrunching sounds coming from inside. Then you hear it. A dial up sound is coming from the machine. You can hear it better if you lean in and press your ear against the plastic surface. A couple of minutes go by, while you stand and listen to that sweet sound of beeps and boops. Soon you realize it's been a while. Not just a while. 15 minutes have gone by, while you've been standing there. You don't remember what you came there for, but stand back from the machine and prepare to leave. That's when the it happens. The machine starts shaking. Shaking, more and more. Like a giant cellphone put on silent, but with the dial-up tone still going. You take another step back while admiring this wonder of technology. Then it stops. It not just stops shaking, it stops with everything. No vibrations, no sounds, no nothing. Everything is quiet. The wind is blowing in your hair. Sirens are going off in the distance. They're coming your way. Closer and closer. Now you can see it. It's a police car. Nothing is really special about it. It looks quite ordinary, except it is heading straight to where you are... Wait. You haven't done anything. Why should they be after you? Did you accidentally steal something? No. No, you didn't. The police car stops. The sirens go silent.

A door opens in the car, and a police man gets out. He is wearing a cap and the usual police clothing. He even has a moustache and is wearing sunglasses. You act calm, but on the inside you are a little bit intimidated. The cop walks over to you. he has something in his hand. Without exchanging any words he hands you a can of soda, then enters his car and drives off. Everything went so fast you didn't realize that you're now standing alone again with a soda can in your hand. You look at it. You don't know the brand, but on the side of the can there is a little piece of paper.

"That'll be $2", it says.

You tear off the paper in pure rage. $2 for a can of soda? The absurdity! You're not going to pay for that. You didn't even want that brand. How could they possibly think you were going to pay for that? Society really isn't what it should be.

You put the piece of paper inside the vending machine...

[CarnivorousJelly]

That was beautiful, thank you

The vending machine thinks you gave it money, a bag of chips come out

Puts in a bad pun

[Kreekakon]

The vending machine blows a raspberry at you.

Cuts off the vending machine's tongue and puts it in

[Mudbill]

The machine screams in agony but actually seems to enjoy the meal.

Puts in some structure gel to fix the damage...

[Danarogon AP]

The machine now glows in the dark and questions you what it means to be human before choking on it's own black gel and coughing uncontrably for 30 minutes.

Puts in the shadow. Just to see what happens when two homogenous fleshy matters collide.

[FlawlessHappiness]

The machine... oh... It's still under maintenance.

The machine still contains the Anime Harem Character. It is slightly wet now, because of cleaning.

[Romulator]

Dirty minded Romulator comes out, chuckling at the use of the words "anime" and "wet" in the same paragraph. (hehe, Romulator comes... wet... cleaning)

Puts in a box of chocolates...

[WALP]

...and the machine starts making some weird sounds. Just a little later the box comes out again, but empty.

Puts in a box filled with poisoned chocolates...