Everlasting Epoch/Aikakausi Ikuinen

[Red]

I was little bored, so I tried to answer your questions:

Quite an explosive beginning. Sedyn, huh? Wait, Humas, too? Two unknown locations introduced right in the first paragraph? I don't know. Sounds a bit like unsubtle foreshadowing of important settings in the story.

Before I even begin, I should have posted a summary, telling about the universe but I did not, my mistake.

Weird description. Is the teal important?

No.

That was sudden. A bit too sudden, in my opinion. Never even got to know her well. Also getting a real No. 6 vibe here. Was that an inspiration?

No never seen No.6 to be honest, strange coincidence, is it revolved around mystery too?

Now that's an odd way to put it. She might have realized that it's hopeless, but why does that mean she dies peacefully? I'd think most people would struggle to their very last breath.

Partly lost in translation, and also you have a point also, fixed it.

Also, to have "peace" invade the mind just sounds like a bad juxtaposition.

It does make sense, not in english though, maybe too raw tranlation there.

Oh, so we aren't supposed to care about her at all. Probably not an important character in any way.

This thing will be left wait for here a while, there's a purpose for it, don't worry,
it will be tied later.

Wait, it's first person perspective suddenly? Really awful transitioning here. Can I know who's me?

You would know if the describtion was posted here.

Not sure what to think of this. The dialogue is okay, just seems to have popped up a bit suddenly.

When you see a familiar person, in a random place would you not talk?
And also, the dialogue is lost in translation.

Terrible metaphor. "Running" speed isn't descriptive at all, since some people might be slow runners while others are much faster.

Here you're right, I had hard time choosing the best option for this, I'll change it.

Wow, lots of new names. Interesting description of the sun. So we're definitely in a fantasy or science fiction setting. But...any reason why there's some emphasis on Japanese names, like the Daichi guy? Is this an anime novel?

Do not mix anime and novel together, there is no such thing as "anime novel"
anime means animation period.

And does it mean, if there's some japanese people, it must be an anime?
What else anime related have you noticed than names?

Why? No one would do that. Seriously.[/qoute]

You don't know what kind of guy the protagonist is yet, everyone is different, some people are crazy and some less crazy, don't expect the protagonist to be the sanest one. There's some past for what he is.

[quote]What? The protagonist is perfectly fine still being naked even after being hit by snow?

Again, the main character is not your ordinary guy.

MORE JAPANESE NAMES. Can we get a cultural reference here? Like is this planet colonized by the Japanese?

Part of the city that is invaded by japanese people.

I don't understand that sentence at all.

He begs to get to protagonists ride to school, if he's not there,
he'll miss much.

NO 6 AGAIN WITH THE BRAIN CELLS

Okay, so we have confirmation that these guys are Japanese. Any reason why?

Brain cells does not have anything to do with the rest of the story.
It was just something "wise" Daichi threw.

And nope, protagonist is not japanese, nor is Jone, Jone is not japanese name anyways.
There's lot of different nationalities in this town, these first just happen to occur
in japan invaded area.

Isn't tomhawk...an axe? Do you mean mohawk? And what's holopivot?

Lol, big mistake there, orginal says mohawk, but it got lost in translation and turned to tomhawk.
Holopivot sunglasses, will be explained later in the story.

I'll update other mistranslated sentences to better ones, when I have time for it.

EDIT: Not taking this as bad, critism is welcome, and it helps me to find the flaws I haven't noticed.

I am NOT perfect at writing, far from it, I am sitll a newbie and still under some heavy learning.
I am even worse translator, so there's that.