Closed.

[CarnivorousJelly]

No need to get angry. Seriously, red text is really jarring on the eyes and having your whole wall of text red fails to emphasize anything :p Also, if you're gonna censor out your swears, there's really no need to even indicate that they were there ;)

But on a much more useful and relevant topic...

If you have Photoshop, you can do this:
Colour Replacement Tool (for changing the colours)
Clone Stamp Tool (for removing the hairs)

Hope that helps a bit c:

And (belated) welcome to the forum o/