A Machine for Pork

[Froge]

Brennenburg's kitchen, located within the prison, was dark and very cold. The floor was covered in many layers of dust, which added to the dreariness of the brownish gray walls and floor. A few puddles of blood were splattered all over the room, and a large wooden table lay at the back of the kitchen. Standing beside it was an old graying man wearing a bloodied apron and a chef's hat, in his hands a sharp rectangular butcher's knife with which he cut up the prisoners of the his castle. One could not tell, at first sight, that there was something extremely wrong about this man, but upon closer inspection they would be able to notice the strange enlargement of his eyes as he gleefully cut up his victims' bodies, as well as that he enjoyed licking blood and always wore a demonic frown upon his face.

"ALEXANDERRRRR!" Came a grunting and raspy voice that sounded like the cackle of an old witch. The doors into his kitchen burst open and in came one of the baron's zombie-like servants, with their monstrous claws and limping, pieced-together body of bandages; in its hands was a small, wooden box with a few tattered pieces of meat, skin, and bones hanging out of it.

"My catch for the day," Prison Grunt #7 exclaimed. "One of the pigs had tried to escape, but we managed to track it. It didn't go down without a fight, though, but we slew the little devil in the end. It shall make a fine meal of pork tonight."

"Very well; bring his body forward," the Baron responded.

Prison Grunt #7 placed the box upon the table and Alexander opened it up to find the bloodied, yet nicely packaged body of a delicious and particularly dead pig inside. He poked at it for a few seconds, as if to ascertain the juiciness of its body, and he squeezed the pig's face as well as its arms and legs.

"Well?" Prison Grunt #7 asked.

"Would you like today's serving of pork boiled or roasted?" Alexander asked.

"We prison grunts love soup best," the fiendish creature responded. "Won't you boil it for us in hot water?"

"I shall," Alexander answered with a sigh. "Go. I will make this meal now."

He took the dead pig out of the box and placed it upon a sheet of oiled paper. With a scissor, Alexander cut the clothes off its body and then proceeded to add spices around it; a few vegetables, such as peas and corn and carrots, as well as sweet chili and other things to improve its taste. The baron then put his hand upon the pig's face, feeling that it was cold and very bony and very thin. He then raised his knife and-

"ALEXANDER!" Came a loud and boisterous voice from the door behind him.

Sewer Brute #3 charged into the room, and he, too, was carrying a box in his hands. This one, however, bore a head clearly hanging out from it, and a tongue rolled out of its mouth.

"Juicy little fiend!" the Brute yelled before throwing Alexander the box. "This one was trying to escape from the torture chambers through the sewer. It took forever for me to track it down. Little pig kept hiding from me! I'll be dining in the Back Hall tonight; make the pork good!"

"But, I'm already making pork soup!" Alexander complained as he began using his knife to behead the dead pig and slowly remove the bones from its body. The baron knew that Brutes, unlike the prison grunts, detested soup and much preferred to eat roasted or fried pork.

"A lot of people are dining tonight," Sewer Brute #3 complained. "Our monthly reunion is today, remember? You're going to have to make pork for every servant in this castle."

"What!? Why didn't anyone tell me about this!?" Groaning in frustration, Alexander cut open the pig's body and slowly began taking out each and every one of its organs, starting with its brain, which was just a bit too big for the pig's head. Even as he worked, the Brute's mouth began to water, salivating at the thought of eating delicious pork with all his friends after a long and hard day's work of patrolling.

"Okay, so do you want the pork roasted or fried?" Alexander asked.

"I'd prefer to eat it fried!" Sewer Brute #3 replied. "I told you before about how good fried pork tastes, especially if you crisp the skin just right. Oh, and did you know that it actually tastes better if you use more Kaernk saliva than Grunt oil?"

"Oh, really?" Alexander raised the pig's body up into the air and threw out the rest of its organs, so that only the meat, skin and some bones remained. It was ready to be cooked.

Inside the prison's kitchens was a secret chamber where lay the Machine, a Machine for pork, to be exact, because it could only cook pigs, the favourite food of the Gatherers. The construction of the machine dated back several hundred years, to a time known as the Dark Ages, when Alexander lived secretively in his castle, creating many innovative tools and inventions of technological progress while the rest of the world wasted away and became annihilated by plagues and famine. Originally the Machine was used as a torture device to inflict all sorts of delicious, vitae-extracting pain upon the baron's prisoners, but since Alexander had crafted the food-needy Gatherers, he gave to the Machine its second purpose of cooking pigs.

Nobody (except for the Baron himself) knew how to access the secret chamber which contained the Machine. But since he was making dinner, Alexander had already taken out the Machine and placed it beside the kitchen shelves.

"Well then, I will also serve fried pork for you tonight," Alexander said. He placed the pig's body into a bowl, laid alongside all the other spices, and then went to fetch some water for it.

"Alright, then! I will see you tonight at th-"

"ALEXANDERRRRRR!" A high and nasally voice yelled; and Storage Grunt #8 burst into the room, shoving his way past Sewer Brute #3 who was just about to leave.

"My friends and I heard the big news! That means we'll be dining in the Back Hall tonight for the reunion," Grunt #8 yelled excitedly; he too, had a box in his hands.

"Oh, what is it this time?" Alexander sighed. After filling the bowl up with water, the Baron made towards the Machine and placed the bowl within it, moving the setting upon "boil".

"All the other Gatherers will be there, so you've got to cook some good food!" Storage Grunt #8 yelled. "Here, I've brought you something delicious."

Alexander walked towards the grunt and opened up his box to find two dead pigs inside; one was old and had short and half-grayed hair as well as a thin and pale wrinkled face. Its hands were still tightly clutched to what appeared to be a book. The other was a female who wore a pink dress and had long brown hair; she had a lantern with her. Alexander recognized the latter as one of his earlier prisoners, although the former was definitely an outsider.

"My friend, Storage Grunt #5, loves roasted pork," Grunt #8 exclaimed excitedly. "You've got to make that for us!"

"But, I'm already cooking pork soup and fried pig!"

"But, Alexander!" Grunt #8 whined, "So many of your servants will be at the feast tonight! Two dishes can't possibly feed them all!"

"I'm so busy these days," Alexander grunted. "So many orders pouring in; I haven't gotten any rest in five days!"

"Please, Alexander?"

The Baron crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "Just this once, I suppose." A look of joy appeared upon Storage Grunt #8's face, as well as Sewer Brute #3's, the latter who had remained in the room but was now leaving. "But after today, I'm taking a week off. That Vitae isn't going to extract itself, you know."

"We'll see you at the banquet tonight," Grunt #8 said. At that moment the Machine began to start up, a low and deep rumble erupting from its engines. The room seemed to shake for a second, as if startled by an Earthquake, and then the Machine got to work, steam pumping out of its bellows and levers and gears beginning to rotate. Inside the device the heat would slowly boil the pig as well as the water it had been immersed in to create, within minutes, some delicious pork soup.

"You're so amazing, Alexander," Storage Grunt #8 praised his master before giving Alexander a quick hug and causing the baron to grumble in annoyance. The Grunt then turned around and made for the exit of the room.

Alexander sighed as he placed Grunt #8's box upon the table beside the earlier pig that the Brute had delivered. He decided to rest a bit, waiting for the Machine to finish its current task of creating pork soup before getting started on anything else. The baron preferred to do things one at a time, to finish making one dish before doing the next. Perhaps that was the reason why his work had been so slow the past few days.

All of a sudden movement caught the edge of his eyes, and Alexander saw the cap of Grunt #8's box raise. He rushed towards it and opened the box up to find that the pig inside had its eyes open, which widened a bit as soon as the pig saw someone that looked remotely similar to itself standing before it. Blood caked the pig's mouth, and its voice was very weak as it spoke:

"My name is...Klaas Gottschall," the pig whispered. "You're...human, aren't you? Not...like the rest of them. Please....save me...."

Alexander shook his head. "Silly pig," he answered. "Pork can't be human," and with one swoop of his knife, cut the pig's neck off. He quickly went back to his grisly work.

[Zaffre]

Very nice indeed.

If I had to express my thoughts on this in music, this would be it.

[Gaviao]

[failedALIAS]

Very nice indeed.

If I had to express my thoughts on this in music, this would be it.

*Sees video*
Make love to me!

[Zaffre]

Very nice indeed.

If I had to express my thoughts on this in music, this would be it.

*Sees video*
Make love to me!

[failedALIAS]

Very nice indeed.

If I had to express my thoughts on this in music, this would be it.

*Sees video*
Make love to me!

Even creepier; I wasn't talking to you.

[Froge]

Picture irrelevant

[Damascus Rose]

When Daniel was a little girl, he always dreamed about going on an adventure to Algeria.

[failedALIAS]

When Daniel was a little girl, he always dreamed about going on an adventure to Algeria.

[Macgyverthehero]

I can't resist saying this... but I gotta say it: