The time is approaching gentlemen. I am coming up to what i want to make my "final" level so how do you guys think i should cut the strings on this Custom story how could i end it with a bang "originally" and creatively. So i would like some ideas here but in order for anyone to think of a proper ending they should read up on its actual story. SO i will provide the entire story in a spoiler tab that i suggest you do not open unless you want to spoil the surprises.
Spoiler below!
LORE: Alexander lovat accused convict and supposed killer of his only wife and child is thrown into prison by the baron of EndersBurg Lord Reddrick Redwood. Alex originally took shelter in the Barons own estate claiming his family was indanger. Alexand then reveals in a series of diary entries that his son had entered the forbidden forest in Endersburg called "Black woods" where Der Grobmann is rumored to roam. This brought Der Grobmann after the child and the family persisting in the way where then marked for not giving up the boy. About 3-4 days in the Barons estate Redwood claims that Alexanders son "Anderson Andrew Lovat" (Andrew is the childs middle name) is missing and immediately blames Alex for the crimes. Alex is forced in to prison where he becomes certain his wife is not safe in the hands of Redwood and he is not safe from Der Grobmann in the prison. He then decides to Embark on the journey to kill Redwood and find both his wife and child. PLOT POINTS: (This is where the MAJOR spoilers kick in) 1.Alexander knew his son entered the woods and even encouraged the child to do so to prove to his wife that Der Grobmann was but a myth 2. Redwood has spoken to Der Grobmann and handed the child over to Der Grobmann himself. 3. Even after the child was given up Der Grobmann did not leave and continued to stalk Redwood Alexander and a side character known as "Kyle Clemming". 3. Kyle clemming is more of a plot device or "tool" if you will, he took notes on the what has been happening around you giving you input from other peoples eyes. 4. Kyle clemming is eventually found "dead" in the 2nd to last level. 5. Remember this is a test run or a "beta" if you will the games only 10-12 levels long and has been in development for at least 3-4 months.
so how do i end all of this what do you guys think what loose ends can i tie together that haven't been stitched up already?
(10-05-2012, 12:25 AM)candlejack131 Wrote: The time is approaching gentlemen. I am coming up to what i want to make my "final" level so how do you guys think i should cut the strings on this Custom story how could i end it with a bang "originally" and creatively. So i would like some ideas here but in order for anyone to think of a proper ending they should read up on its actual story. SO i will provide the entire story in a spoiler tab that i suggest you do not open unless you want to spoil the surprises.
Spoiler below!
LORE: Alexander lovat accused convict and supposed killer of his only wife and child is thrown into prison by the baron of EndersBurg Lord Reddrick Redwood. Alex originally took shelter in the Barons own estate claiming his family was indanger. Alexand then reveals in a series of diary entries that his son had entered the forbidden forest in Endersburg called "Black woods" where Der Grobmann is rumored to roam. This brought Der Grobmann after the child and the family persisting in the way where then marked for not giving up the boy. About 3-4 days in the Barons estate Redwood claims that Alexanders son "Anderson Andrew Lovat" (Andrew is the childs middle name) is missing and immediately blames Alex for the crimes. Alex is forced in to prison where he becomes certain his wife is not safe in the hands of Redwood and he is not safe from Der Grobmann in the prison. He then decides to Embark on the journey to kill Redwood and find both his wife and child. PLOT POINTS: (This is where the MAJOR spoilers kick in) 1.Alexander knew his son entered the woods and even encouraged the child to do so to prove to his wife that Der Grobmann was but a myth 2. Redwood has spoken to Der Grobmann and handed the child over to Der Grobmann himself. 3. Even after the child was given up Der Grobmann did not leave and continued to stalk Redwood Alexander and a side character known as "Kyle Clemming". 3. Kyle clemming is more of a plot device or "tool" if you will, he took notes on the what has been happening around you giving you input from other peoples eyes. 4. Kyle clemming is eventually found "dead" in the 2nd to last level. 5. Remember this is a test run or a "beta" if you will the games only 10-12 levels long and has been in development for at least 3-4 months.
so how do i end all of this what do you guys think what loose ends can i tie together that haven't been stitched up already?
Uhm, I really think you shouldn't Ask for that here. It's your story - you should come up with an ending yourself. Just my opinion.
(10-05-2012, 12:25 AM)candlejack131 Wrote: The time is approaching gentlemen. I am coming up to what i want to make my "final" level so how do you guys think i should cut the strings on this Custom story how could i end it with a bang "originally" and creatively. So i would like some ideas here but in order for anyone to think of a proper ending they should read up on its actual story. SO i will provide the entire story in a spoiler tab that i suggest you do not open unless you want to spoil the surprises.
Spoiler below!
LORE: Alexander lovat accused convict and supposed killer of his only wife and child is thrown into prison by the baron of EndersBurg Lord Reddrick Redwood. Alex originally took shelter in the Barons own estate claiming his family was indanger. Alexand then reveals in a series of diary entries that his son had entered the forbidden forest in Endersburg called "Black woods" where Der Grobmann is rumored to roam. This brought Der Grobmann after the child and the family persisting in the way where then marked for not giving up the boy. About 3-4 days in the Barons estate Redwood claims that Alexanders son "Anderson Andrew Lovat" (Andrew is the childs middle name) is missing and immediately blames Alex for the crimes. Alex is forced in to prison where he becomes certain his wife is not safe in the hands of Redwood and he is not safe from Der Grobmann in the prison. He then decides to Embark on the journey to kill Redwood and find both his wife and child. PLOT POINTS: (This is where the MAJOR spoilers kick in) 1.Alexander knew his son entered the woods and even encouraged the child to do so to prove to his wife that Der Grobmann was but a myth 2. Redwood has spoken to Der Grobmann and handed the child over to Der Grobmann himself. 3. Even after the child was given up Der Grobmann did not leave and continued to stalk Redwood Alexander and a side character known as "Kyle Clemming". 3. Kyle clemming is more of a plot device or "tool" if you will, he took notes on the what has been happening around you giving you input from other peoples eyes. 4. Kyle clemming is eventually found "dead" in the 2nd to last level. 5. Remember this is a test run or a "beta" if you will the games only 10-12 levels long and has been in development for at least 3-4 months.
so how do i end all of this what do you guys think what loose ends can i tie together that haven't been stitched up already?
Uhm, I really think you shouldn't Ask for that here. It's your story - you should come up with an ending yourself. Just my opinion.
I am "NOT" asking for you to write me one i am talking about "suggestions" what i mean is what would make it better to you. What do you hate in an ending. What do you love. What would you find original. That kind of thing. I know its my story and i am writing it now I'm just waiting for input from "you" the audience.
You completely misunderstood my intentions
(This post was last modified: 10-05-2012, 01:10 AM by candlejack131.)
Made me chuckle a bit If you don't have a "ß" on your Keyboard, you should use "ss" instead. (ß is pronounced like a sharp s) "Großmann" means "Tall man" , "Grobmann" would mean something like "thug" or "ruffian".
Made me think of a Slenderman with prison tattoos wielding a huge club xD
Anyway, back to the story.
Spoiler below!
I think whats lacking a bit still (or maybe you just didn't mention it to keep things short) is the clear motivation of Baron Redwood. If there was a reason for his behaviour other than "he just does what slenderman tells him to do", it would make the story more interesting and also provide you with several possibilities for the ending. For example you could reveal a motivation that puts his actions in a different light and suddenly makes us think differently of a character we previously thought to be evil.
Also, but this is more my personal taste, I would prefer the connection between Alexanders family (really, change the name, its a bit confusing because one always thinks of characters named Alexander as being the evil ones) and the Baron to be less "forced" plot-wise.
Its a bit weird that he would come to the Baron for protection - if he doesn't even believe Slenderman is a real danger, why would he do that? You could solve that more elegantly by just having him be a servant of the Baron that lives on the castle grounds with his family (not too unusual for a castle to have "servant quarters") or something like that.
(This post was last modified: 10-05-2012, 11:02 AM by xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.)
There is no offical modeler for Painful Shadows.Statyk,Unearthybrutal and maybe some others have made some models for me though.The trees are from Traggey.There is also one custom tree I downloaded in the docks part ,which is modeled by Statyk.
(10-05-2012, 06:45 AM)The chaser Wrote: The story seems good, but try not to mix Alexander in it. It's used in a lot of CS. JUst change names, that's all.
Also, I love the "good" endings, where you escape. But, the final could be a situation where you had to escape from the slender and then it kills you.
Its not Alexander from normal amnesia lore that's Alexander "Brenenburg" My alex is Alexander Lovat. I'm not using his name for useful flashbacks i mean Alexander is about 27 what would he be doing with an old man voice. I gave him this name for it is my favorite name no other reason. I also used to write books and the main characters name was usually Alexander Lovat.
(10-05-2012, 10:59 AM)Hirnwirbel Wrote:
Quote: Der Grobmann
Made me chuckle a bit If you don't have a "ß" on your Keyboard, you should use "ss" instead. (ß is pronounced like a sharp s) "Großmann" means "Tall man" , "Grobmann" would mean something like "thug" or "ruffian".
Made me think of a Slenderman with prison tattoos wielding a huge club xD
Anyway, back to the story.
Spoiler below!
I think whats lacking a bit still (or maybe you just didn't mention it to keep things short) is the clear motivation of Baron Redwood. If there was a reason for his behaviour other than "he just does what slenderman tells him to do", it would make the story more interesting and also provide you with several possibilities for the ending. For example you could reveal a motivation that puts his actions in a different light and suddenly makes us think differently of a character we previously thought to be evil.
Also, but this is more my personal taste, I would prefer the connection between Alexanders family (really, change the name, its a bit confusing because one always thinks of characters named Alexander as being the evil ones) and the Baron to be less "forced" plot-wise.
Its a bit weird that he would come to the Baron for protection - if he doesn't even believe Slenderman is a real danger, why would he do that? You could solve that more elegantly by just having him be a servant of the Baron that lives on the castle grounds with his family (not too unusual for a castle to have "servant quarters") or something like that.
I spelled it Der Grobmann because it is German for "the Rough man" a name i actually find threatening and intimidating.
Spoiler below!
I did try to keep it short so let me spread the details a bit The baron is "not" doing what slenderman is asking he is trying to keep Alexander's family safe. He only handed over the child for it was the originally marked person. he thought that by giving up the boy Slenderman would be at peace and leave the family be however this was NOT the case Slenderman did not leave for by getting involved Alex Redwood and his wife where still marked for getting involved. Redwood assumed that this was because Alex still roamed the mansions halls. SO he sent Alex away but could not do so for no reason. Thats why he blamed him for the death of his son and even claims that Alexanders wife is "dead" although she did not go missing and Redwood actually "hid" her from Alex. Is there anymore that i should explain a lot was left out on purpose :/. Also he came to the baron for saftey because shortly after his son returns from the forest strange events start to occur in his home. He realizes that Slenderman is real and his doings where foolish. So he took shelter in the barons manor for he thought he would be safer under the barons guard. I mean The baron is in charge of the entire city/village so it makes sense that it would be well protected. Is there anything else i need to clarify?
(This post was last modified: 10-05-2012, 08:22 PM by candlejack131.)
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