[WIP] My First Custom Story DEMO!

[4WalledKid]

Finally! I've been working on a Custom Story these past days. Is a little something like a continuation to the main story. Here Daniel is going back to Mayfair, to Vingdem Castle, but he had some complications. Click here to download the first part of the story! Is like a demo. I need people to help me! Is too much for me alone. Let me know what do you think and what would you change and why! Tell me if you find glitches or errors!

[Solipsist]

It's not really "alive" if it is not yet finished, now is it? =P
But regardless, I'll give it a shot and hand out a piece of my mind. I'm already in good terms with the demo as, by the picture, you seemed to create a fine outdoor environment, what I usually do not see.

[4WalledKid]

It's not really "alive" if it is not yet finished, now is it? =P
But regardless, I'll give it a shot and hand out a piece of my mind. I'm already in good terms with the demo as, by the picture, you seemed to create a fine outdoor environment, what I usually do not see.

Nice! Let me know what do you think and what would you change and why.

[WALP]

well its pretty short so its hard to say much.
though its short the quality seems pretty good.
It did feel a bit too sudden though, so i would recommend that you add an intro or something before throwing the player into the chase sequence. (fx. you could show a flashback with the end of the original amnesia briefly, or something like that). But this is well made for your first custom story.

[4WalledKid]

well its pretty short so its hard to say much.
though its short the quality seems pretty good.
It did feel a bit too sudden though, so i would recommend that you add an intro or something before throwing the player into the chase sequence. (fx. you could show a flashback with the end of the original amnesia briefly, or something like that). But this is well made for your first custom story.

Thank you for the feedback! I really appreciate it. And that's such a nice idea! I'll import the Daniel ending from the main story and add some flashback effects. Again, thanks.

[Solipsist]

If that was the first level of the campaign, it is pretty bad for the reasons Martinnord noted; but I'll add a few;
•The campaign's description boils down to : "Is the shadow still after him?" And the campaign starts with bangs and drums as a full-blown shadow chasing scene...So the question to that answer lived less than the question "Why is the game called Amnesia". Regardless of the contents of the description, a chasing scene on the start indeed is out of place. It's not scary and it can only be used in this genre (imo) as a plot device. But what were you building exactly with that premise?
•Starting the game with slow-motion...Not a good at all |: I found it rather irritating.
•Even though the scenery was quite appealing, I found the castle's wall not to be aesthetic enough; and the wall was quite surreal in its design (hollowed bevel).

Regardless, for a first go you done pretty well. Kudos for you.

[4WalledKid]

If that was the first level of the campaign, it is pretty bad for the reasons Martinnord noted; but I'll add a few;
•The campaign's description boils down to : "Is the shadow still after him?" And the campaign starts with bangs and drums as a full-blown shadow chasing scene...So the question to that answer lived less than the question "Why is the game called Amnesia". Regardless of the contents of the description, a chasing scene on the start indeed is out of place. It's not scary and it can only be used in this genre (imo) as a plot device. But what were you building exactly with that premise?
•Starting the game with slow-motion...Not a good at all |: I found it rather irritating.
•Even though the scenery was quite appealing, I found the castle's wall not to be aesthetic enough; and the wall was quite surreal in its design (hollowed bevel).

Regardless, for a first go you done pretty well. Kudos for you.

Thanks for the feedback! What would you do to make this better and why? And sorry, but I didn't understand your argument about the castle. Can you be more specific?

[Solipsist]

The castle's walls are very generic; it is an issue I had have seen in every single CS which had an outdoor level. Nobody really seem to think that polishing the outer walls is important; why is that, I wonder?
What you can do is introduce objects which would make sense to be there; insignia, foliage(flowers, trees, bushes etc), less lights (Castles usually only light their entry points as a beacon, but place plentiful of lights on the upper wall and guard towers) which actually brings me to; a bigger wall. By the look of it, it seems that your wall surrounds the castle's wall. On that note, you can also add A few small windows as decals.

If you want to keep the image of "A castle inside a wall inside a wall" to assert its size, you can actually play it out cleverly by placing the castle inside the Skymap in a position that will fixate it to be behind the wall. The next level will have the constructed castle in sight, or just more detailed in the Skymap.

Anything unrelated to aesthetics: The chase is too long without an actual sense of danger beyond a few irritating "landmines", to make the player feel actual hostility beyond "this zone will give you a booboo", you should introduce actions that will have consequences; running to the right place at the right time, doing anything else will doom the player. The most prominent example of this is an Advancing wall of doom.
Wooh, that was a long one.

[4WalledKid]

The castle's walls are very generic; it is an issue I had have seen in every single CS which had an outdoor level. Nobody really seem to think that polishing the outer walls is important; why is that, I wonder?
What you can do is introduce objects which would make sense to be there; insignia, foliage(flowers, trees, bushes etc), less lights (Castles usually only light their entry points as a beacon, but place plentiful of lights on the upper wall and guard towers) which actually brings me to; a bigger wall. By the look of it, it seems that your wall surrounds the castle's wall. On that note, you can also add A few small windows as decals.

If you want to keep the image of "A castle inside a wall inside a wall" to assert its size, you can actually play it out cleverly by placing the castle inside the Skymap in a position that will fixate it to be behind the wall. The next level will have the constructed castle in sight, or just more detailed in the Skymap.

Anything unrelated to aesthetics: The chase is too long without an actual sense of danger beyond a few irritating "landmines", to make the player feel actual hostility beyond "this zone will give you a booboo", you should introduce actions that will have consequences; running to the right place at the right time, doing anything else will doom the player. The most prominent example of this is an Advancing wall of doom.
Wooh, that was a long one.

Wow, that was specific! Do you have any idea of how to make the "Advancing Wall of Doom"? I really liked that idea! Thanks. And do you think generic walls can be fixed with decals? Thats the best I can do for now because I'm new to this.

[The chaser]

But... I wouldn't consider this a demo. It's a good work by the moment, but it's only one level. Let's take my story as an example. I'm gonna release the demo of my story in 15-17th november, but it will include 8 levels, more or less (The otherworld is a pretty big project).

So, this could be considered "beta-testing". Because I doubt this level to be the only one

But, by what I've seen, the story seems a good one. And I see that you've used the script that I told you in a thread