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Custom story: [FR] Les chroniques d'Alex / [EN] Alex's chronicles - Part1
Drakostyle Offline
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#1
Custom story: [FR] Les chroniques d'Alex / [EN] Alex's chronicles - Part1

[FRENCH PART]


Salut salut,

Je présente aujourd'hui ma première custom story alors je vous le dit desuite je suis pas un expert en codage donc cette custom est assez courte et contient surement quelques problèmes graphique.

La custom s'appelle "Les chroniques d'Alex" et voici le scénario:

Alex a 18ans, il vis dans un château avec son père Eric et sa soeur Sarah.


Lundi 7 décembre 1804, un jour d'orage;

Alex lis tranquillement dans sa chambre, soudain sa lecture est perturbée par un hurlement...
-"C'est la voix de Sarah!" pensa t-il

Dans les secondes qui suivirent, Alex se retrouva dans le noir. Toutes les bougies qui éclairaient sa chambre ont fondu d'un seul coup. Il ne comprenait pas, et il s'en moquait! Tout ce qui l'intéressait était de savoir si sa soeur allait bien...


Elle a été réalisée/codée par moi-même en 2 jours et 1 nuit, et le scénario est de moi aussi. Smile

Je compte faire une partie 2 et peut-être une partie 3. ^^

Lien de téléchargement: http://www.mediafire.com/?hk6hfk3xkc0ktrf

Merci de la tester, de me dire si vous avez aimé, de me dire ce qui vous à plu et ce qui ne vous à pas plu, et de me rapporter les bugs. Smile

[EDIT]: Nouveau lien, j'ai retiré certains bug. La partie 2 arrive bientot, elle seras plus longue et plus délirante.



[ENGLISH PART]


Hiii,

This is my first custom story and im not a coding expert so the story is really short and can contain somes bugs.

The custom story is named "Alex's chronicles" and there is the scenario:

Alex is 18years old, he lives in a castle with his father Eric and his sister Sarah.


Monday, December 7, 1804, a stormy day;

Alex was reading a book in his bedroom, suddenly a scream disturbed him...
-"This is Sarah's voice!" thought Alex

Somes seconds later, all candles of the Alex bedroom turned off. Alex didn't understand, and he didn't care! The only Alex's interest was to know if his sister was fine...


Custom realised/coded by me in 2days and 1 night, scenario is by me too. Smile

Maybe i'll make a second part and a third part. ^^

Download link: http://www.mediafire.com/?eb44vivqkvug5cb

Thanks to try it, tell me if you liked it, tell me what you liked, what you didn't liked, and report me all bugs. Smile

[EDIT]: New link, english version. Part 2 coming soon, this part will be longer and more funny.

Alex's chronicle
FR:http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hk6hfk3xkc0ktrf
EN:http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?eb44vivqkvug5cb
(This post was last modified: 12-01-2012, 03:33 PM by Drakostyle.)
11-29-2012, 09:57 PM
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i3670 Offline
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#2
RE: [FR] Custom story: Les chroniques d'Alex - Part 1

Are all the notes and voices in french?

"What you think is irrelevant" - A character of our time

A Christmas Hunt
11-29-2012, 11:02 PM
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Drakostyle Offline
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#3
RE: [FR] Custom story: Les chroniques d'Alex - Part 1

(11-29-2012, 11:02 PM)i3670 Wrote: Are all the notes and voices in french?
Yes Confused

Alex's chronicle
FR:http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hk6hfk3xkc0ktrf
EN:http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?eb44vivqkvug5cb
11-29-2012, 11:03 PM
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The chaser Offline
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#4
RE: [FR] Custom story: Les chroniques d'Alex - Part 1

2 days and a night? I don't have any good expectatives of this... anyway, I will try it. I'll come with feedback.

Edit: Ok, I've played it and:

-Dude, make it in english. I don't understand french, as well as a lot of the people in here. I'm not english, but I do my .lang file with it.
-The scares didn't have sense.
-It had flying naked guys.
-Almost every monster was an hallucination.
-Only keys and a bad crowbar puzzle.
-You didn't make me really think to accomplish the objective.
-The piano man, the piano. There's a point light but there isn't any window or source of light.
-Expectable scares.
-The disaster in Sarah's room. The bed is supposed to be very hard to move, and it's in an innatural position.

Overall rating: 2/10

THE OTHERWORLD (WIP)
[Image: k6vbdhu]

Aculy iz dolan.
(This post was last modified: 11-30-2012, 06:21 PM by The chaser.)
11-30-2012, 05:39 PM
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Drakostyle Offline
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#5
RE: [FR] Custom story: Les chroniques d'Alex - Part 1

(11-30-2012, 05:39 PM)The chaser Wrote: 2 days and a night? I don't have any good expectatives of this... anyway, I will try it. I'll come with feedback.

Edit: Ok, I've played it and:

-Dude, make it in english. I don't understand french, as well as a lot of the people in here. I'm not english, but I do my .lang file with it.
-The scares didn't have sense.
-It had flying naked guys.
-Almost every monster was an hallucination.
-Only keys and a bad crowbar puzzle.
-You didn't make me really think to accomplish the objective.
-The piano man, the piano. There's a point light but there isn't any window or source of light.
-Expectable scares.
-The disaster in Sarah's room. The bed is supposed to be very hard to move, and it's in an innatural position.

Overall rating: 2/10
Okay :<

Ok well your right, ill make an english version. This is the first part of a serie, need time to implement the scenario so yes almost only hallucination. The piano is an enchanted piano why you need sense in a game with monsters and some else paranormal events?

but yea my custom isn't really good! its my first anyway ^^'

WHATEVER thanks for played and report me what you thought about it Smile

Alex's chronicle
FR:http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hk6hfk3xkc0ktrf
EN:http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?eb44vivqkvug5cb
(This post was last modified: 11-30-2012, 07:23 PM by Drakostyle.)
11-30-2012, 07:14 PM
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Akahoshi Offline
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#6
RE: Custom story: [FR] Les chroniques d'Alex / [EN] Alex's chronicles - Part1

Je suis français,
Je la testerai d'ici peu et je te dirais mes critiques. Smile
11-30-2012, 11:44 PM
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Drakostyle Offline
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#7
RE: Custom story: [FR] Les chroniques d'Alex / [EN] Alex's chronicles - Part1

(11-30-2012, 11:44 PM)Akahoshi Wrote: Je suis français,
Je la testerai d'ici peu et je te dirais mes critiques. Smile
Merci beaucoup, c'est très important pour moi ^^ surtout que je compte faire une serie de 4 ou 5 custom sur le meme scénario Smile

Alex's chronicle
FR:http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hk6hfk3xkc0ktrf
EN:http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?eb44vivqkvug5cb
12-01-2012, 02:24 AM
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Curse of Hope Offline
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#8
RE: Custom story: [FR] Les chroniques d'Alex / [EN] Alex's chronicles - Part1

After reading the chaser's post I dont really feel like trying your CS srry.
If there are as many problems as he says, and you are planning to turn this into a series, then It would proberly be a good idea to either fix or remake this CS first. If you want people to play the rest of your series you first chapter is proberly the most important one so even if you have made a 10/10 CS for 5th chapter it wont matter if people have to go through 4 bad Custom stories to reach it.

Work In Progress - Slender: Curse of Hope
12-01-2012, 10:28 AM
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WALP Offline
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#9
RE: Custom story: [FR] Les chroniques d'Alex / [EN] Alex's chronicles - Part1

(12-01-2012, 10:28 AM)Curse of Hope Wrote: After reading the chaser's post I dont really feel like trying your CS srry.
If there are as many problems as he says, and you are planning to turn this into a series, then It would proberly be a good idea to either fix or remake this CS first. If you want people to play the rest of your series you first chapter is proberly the most important one so even if you have made a 10/10 CS for 5th chapter it wont matter if people have to go through 4 bad Custom stories to reach it.
ups wrong account, sorry people.
12-01-2012, 10:30 AM
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xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Away
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#10
RE: Custom story: [FR] Les chroniques d'Alex / [EN] Alex's chronicles - Part1

Oh my... looks like I'll have to rely on my rusty memories of past french lessons, eh? Don't expect me to write in french please, I already have a hard time reading it Wink
............................

Okay well that wasn't as hard as expected. I think I even understood the notes! Whoohoo! Let's get to the feedback! Big Grin

Chaser already said most of the things I noticed, but I'd still like to add something to the scares and how they didn't make sense.
What I grasped from the notes was, that there is apparently a cave system under the castle and one day, something terrible came up from there. (correct me if I'm wrong, I had to guess some of the words from context) It rampaged around in your sister's room and now she's disappeared while the monster roames around the castle. So far so good.

But how does this relate to corpses suddenly appearing on the walls or a monster torso appearing in front of my face? (Or a dissected corpse on a table for that matter?) Such things would maybe be associated with an insanity effect of sorts, but there's no mention of the monster having such an effect.
Wouldn't it make more sense to give the player the impression that something is stalking him? Have sounds, footsteps, traces of the monster... something that relates to the whole concept of "something escaped from its prison and is moving around the castle and it could be right behind you!". I'm not even talking about spawning the monster more often. Just the atmosphere.

On a more technical note, the monster that appears when you open the door to the room with the corpse on the table never goes away. I hid in the cupboard and it just stood in the middle of the room forever. I had to get myself killed in order to proceed.
Same problem in the cellar basically - there was nowhere to run or hide so I just got killed.

Now some small things concerning the leveldesign:

- The outer walls of the castle look like corridor walls. I think it would look better if they were stone or something. You usually don't have fancy mahogany panels on the outside of your mansion Wink

- Empty rooms. There's just too much empty space! Especially the piano room, but you can notice it almost everywhere. Don't be afraid to place some more detail around and make the rooms smaller. It seems to be a common mistake among CSs to make the rooms too big and empty... Just look at some of the original amnesia maps and their level of detail for inspiration!

- Plausible environment. Now this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, but I prefer real locations (like a castle, mansion, dungeon, etc) to look somewhat logical. That is, the blueprint of the rooms should make sense in a way and the rooms should have an easily discernable purpose. So no long corridors that give the impression that the mansion would have to be shaped like a multidimensional banana for it to work Wink

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, I don't mean to be an asshole. I'm not saying you do bad work - you've clearly proven that you have the technical skill to make something cool. Now you just need to work on the actual game design part and aesthetics a bit more! But don't worry, you'll get there - it's your first story after all.
(This post was last modified: 12-01-2012, 01:05 PM by xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.)
12-01-2012, 01:04 PM
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