A 90yr old bank robber goes into a bank, begins to rob it but when he's about to ask for the money... he says "What the hell did I want?"
Next minute after police sirens are heard... BOOM! Police truncheon over the back of the head...
Wakes up in hospital and his wife is next to him, he says to her "You know what I can't feel right now? My heart..." Boom! Quadruple Bipass, blown a valve.
A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.